I think ‘Spring Revisited’ is a wonderfully unique take on the change of seasons, and it wasn’t at all what I expected which is a good thing! It’s refreshing as a reader to discover a completely new take on a topic as old as time.
You paint the imagery very well, and I had no trouble picturing the landscape as a cold, barren, yet living, breathing thing. As a reader I could feel the passion behind each choice of word, each metaphor, and I also felt as though the winter was ominous and oppressive in not wanting to give up its hold on the earth, at war with the inevitable change heralded by the sun; an emotional experience I’ve never had reading about the seasons, so BRAVO!
The only thing that pulled my attention away from the scene for a brief moment was the use of the word ‘dismal’ twice in the third paragraph. I also felt the use of some adverbs added unnecessary emphasis on descriptions you’ve done such a fantastic job describing. I’ll give two examples to better explain what I mean:
“…is shredded into strips of gray, scattered across a faint blue sky as the sun relentlessly tears at them.” I think it would be just as effective without "relentlessly" because "shredded" does a great job of setting that tone.
“No longer does it carry the bitter howl of triumph over the land it sweeps tirelessly [across].” Two small things here:
1) You may wish to consider changing the wording slightly so the sentence doesn't end with a preposition, i.e., "No longer does it carry the bitter howl of triumph as it sweeps across the land."
2) I think you could leave "tirelessly" out because I find it at odds with the clear image you convey in the next sentence where you write, "No, its howl is silenced into a moan of agony..."
Again, these very small points are nothing more than my personal preference, and is intended only to offer another possible perspective. Also, since this is the first review I’ve written, I apologize if anything I’ve written is unclear, because I do say this prose is “Very Well Done”!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cheekyone
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:11am on Nov 28, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
