Hi Cheryl Losch,
This is an interesting short story. I like the idea of how turkeys come together to discuss how to survive Thanksgiving. The opening paragraph contains very detailed descriptions of the scenery and keeps the story a mystery, inviting the readers to read on. The conversations between the turkeys are very life-like and funny.
- I like how you structured your short story with dialogues.
- I'm not quite sure what is happening in the story.I think you need to elaborate or explain more.
- I think your characters are well developed. I can tell each one of their personality from how they acted and talked.
- Some run on sentence. For example, " Mischief let loose his grip and the snake went slithering quickly away and Mischief came running toward his owner to receive what he thought would be a reward."
- you should consider breaking up your writing into paragraphs. A huge block of text is kind of hard to read.
- I love your detailed descriptions of Mischief's mischievous behaviors. I can almost picture Mischief chasing after the squirrel and wrestling with a snake.
- Consider substituting "Mischief" and "the owner" with he and she.
- I loled while reading your writing.
- I love the ironic, cynical tone of it.
- The analogy of your dogs is right on point.
- The repetition of "you can consider yourself above the law” is very effective in framing your writing.
- The allusion to the election and 911 reflects the sad truth about America.
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