Hi there,
I am reviewing your story as a Student of the Rockin' Review Academy
My God! It was really wonderful...so realistic yet imaginative.The situation has been described beautifully.The land and the surroundings has been so well described that I could visualize each scene.
The emotion that each and every person in the family undergoes has been so well depicted that I could feel the fear, the sadness and the horror that filled the atmosphere.
The physical features of each person in the family has been described well taking into consideration the genetic inheritance from two very different civilizations.
But I did feel that in certain regions a few modifications could have been made to give an even better result.
In the section where the narrator sees a little 'dead' person in a grave move, I feel you could have added a little more reaction on the narrator's part(you have done that very well when the child is brought back to the inn...)
There are some errors in sentence construction in some areas which I feel needs correction
In the line-It has an eerie atmosphere when the sea mists drift inland, covering the barren desert floor in glistening dew, momentarily, leaving a salty taste in your mouth.- I feel that a comma is unnecessary after 'inland' and 'momentarily'
In the sentence-Four of my Father’s brothers, five wives and twelve children lay orderly around us.-I feel that instead of 'orderly' it should be 'in an order' or something to that effect.
In the sentence-“Zachariah? Whose this you brought with you?” -I think you meant 'who is this' and not 'whose'
In the sentence-his gaze transfixed to her smile-instead of 'to her smile', it should be 'on her smile'
I feel that where you have used the word 'unbelief.', it would have been better to use 'disbelief'(the word 'unbelief.' is used more in a religious sense)
In the region- through the red dessert sand. - I believe that you meant 'desert' and not 'dessert'
Most of these mistakes can be corrected by going through the story once you have finished typing it.
The above said corrections are just my suggestions and opinions.The story is really wonderful. You have a great imagination. I expect to read many more of your wonderful creations. Keep writing!
Hi there!
I am reviewing this story as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy
A wonderful piece of fiction that captured my attention and kept me reading till the end without a pause.The story takes us to a different dimension with an ease that makes reading it a pleasure.
I particularly liked the part about 'destiny'.I have never heard destiny being described in such a varied manner.In fact the description of 'destiny' in the story has had a lingering effect in me.
The part where you describe the dissatisfaction that a human being experiences very well expresses the collective thoughts of the current human world(or so I feel).The wish to be idle all day and be pampered is something that I believe most human beings wish for.
Also the need to be demonstrative to be convincing has been described very well.
I just saw a particular error which I feel need not be called an error in a true sense...Its just my opinion...in certain regions where you have written 'what's', I feel it would have been better if had been written as 'what is'...It is just my opinion.
Altogether a wonderful story that describes human nature and desires in a wonderful and interesting manner...Keep writing!
I was just browsing through the various articles to select one to review as a part of my curriculum of the Rockin' Review Academy and I found yours...
As I read through the story I realized that I could not review it, for the emotion involved is too deep to express through mere words.I loved the story and thank you for creating it.
Hi there!
I am reviewing this as a student of Rockin' Review Academy
If you actually see me now I am quite sure that you would be impressed by the effect your story created.I loved it, from beginning till the end.The clarity with which you have described each and every event is wonderful.
I liked the ease with which you drifted from the present to the past and vice versa.
The description of a young child's state of mind is accurate.The joy, the sorrow, the rivalry, everything has been described very well.The language used is great.
Only suggestion I feel is maybe it could be slightly shorter(being a short story).It helps retain the reader's attention better.
It is really a wonderful work.I truly,really enjoyed it.
Hi there!
I am reviewing your work as a student of Rockin' Review Academy
The story captured my attention from the very beginning and kept it till the end.The description of the times of yore is quite accurate(at least from my knowledge of it).
The style and the concept chosen is good.The idea of good and evil, justice and injustice has been portrayed really well.
However I feel that you could make slight alterations to make it more exciting.The plot is quite evident from the very beginning.A few twists and turns would do wonders to the story.
At times I felt lost because the separation between the activities of the two main characters was not clearcut.Also, the instance where it is said that Muhsin decided to move to a far away land, away from the Sultan, I was under the impression that he had already moved away to a far away place.
But altogether it was a great read and I really enjoyed it. Thank you for writing a nice little 'Arabian Night' story.
Hi Ali
As I read through your article, my eyes filled with tears.I have always thought of myself as the most unfortunate being in the world, but your article has shown me how it is that the attitude is all that matters.It was truly moving.Thank you for the great read.
Happiness does not mean everything is perfect. It just means that we have decided to look beyond the imperfections.
Chechi enthu patti?sathyam thannay ,engilum enthu patti? veendum forgotten birthday?
The poem quite very well expresses what most children feel towards their parents at some point in time...On a personal note, I would like to say that, parents never do or say anything that would harm their children and I feel that if a parent does do that, it would be because..he feels, that's the right thing to do...and whether the feeling is right or wrong , only time can prove!!!
The poem reminds me of the luxuries that i enjoy everyday without me noticing them...shelter, food and clothing are things that we take for granted...this poem tells us of those unfortunate people for whom ,each of the above said items is a luxury...and this poem has captured the image quite clearly...
That's nice actually! strange way of putting things, but really nice..even the ending , although tragic, is good ,and sort of goes in harmony with the rest of the verse...I don't generally read long verses, but I read yours till the end!!! so I like it...
Hi there,I read the piece and it touched a chord somewhere!! You have made a graphic description of a mind filled with turmoil and conflicts...It does depict that ,which , i suppose, is what many people feel....Its really nice..
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