You do a fine job with the military aspect of your story. You also did credible job of creating your hero and providing lots of quick action.
I didn't notice problems with spelling, and generally, you use acceptable grammar. I didn't read the story with a critical eye toward those tools of the trade.
The preamble or prologue could be stronger and seems like an outline instead of narrative. I was looking for visual images in the writing that would help me see the worldview, action and characters in a more tactile way. I could see the weapons and again, you do move a story along at a good clip. Keep up the good work.
I am not generally attracted to poetry. I know little of the formal rules since it never interested me. For the sake of disclosure, that statement is my caveat.
Vivid impressions, lilting style and overall a powerful poem. Only one word jars me personally in the first stanza "clueless" - just doesn't seem to fit with the careful choice of the other words. A- for the first Stanza
The second stanza is more problematic for me. The first two lines, while vivid, seem unrelated although perhaps it's just that I don't get it. The remaining lines are perfect, wonderful.
You caught the essence of the photo, overall the style is lyrical, powerful. I like this poem.
This is an excellent story. I've read one of your other pieces, which I enjoyed enormously as well, prepared a smashing review and lost all that hard work when I was going to another screen to look at my emails. I'll leave any technical criticism to others. This story pleased me even more than the other piece I read. I thought the pace is great, you handle first person like a pro which is no easy task, and the only place I would offer any suggestion is in the initial dialogue with the detective. It works and I got the idea of a fast paced conversation. I think, however, that it might have been an opportunity to throw in some of narrative details during the conversation. It seems more logical to me that this detective would have used silences in between statements and questions as a manipulative tool to try to extract information from the widow. Those silences could reveal in narrative some additional information. Example:
"This here's a hell of a story." I was thrilled at his total involvement in my characters and story while his colleagues ravaged my home. "Thank you."
You, of course, could do a much better job of adding just the right details. And it's not something that needs to be done to improve the story.
I can't wait to read more of your work.
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