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Review of Their Last Dance  Open in new Window.
Review by Chabrier Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Savanna,

This is a great start. The story kept my interest.

I have a couple of comments.

At the beginning I thought that Jessen and Lee were the couple that was to be married. So the end was a surprise - like you promised. It is an arranged marriage that is keeping two lovers tragically apart so the third paragraph feels a little cold. As well as this line; "“Then,” he announced, “it is my last dance as an unmarried man.” Jessen smiled,..." - If the wedding day was their's then there would be reason for each to smile. Since it is not - why are they smiling?

I like how you describe Jessen's mannerism, like in this line: " Jessen broke their quiet. “Lord Aurelius… you look handsome in your…” She couldn’t think of the word. Suddenly her cheeks were hot and she wished she hadn’t said a thing." -
I can picture her expression perfectly. I was left with wanting to see more. The awkward desperateness of these two lovers trying to balance duty and raw emotion.

Thank-you for sharing this.
Keep up the good work!
Lee
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