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Review of A Day of Darkness  Open in new Window.
Review by Cepnir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A detailed and interesting introduction to the setting and Dagur's story.

There are a small number of typos (these I shall list), but I did not see any spelling mistakes (regarding the English words). However, one area I feel I should bring to attention in particular is that, a few times there is some repetition in how you start sentences (for example, taking the first paragraph: Dagur, He, His, His, He, His, Upon, In, His, He, These). While there is not actually anything wrong with this, it may be worth experimenting more with how you start sentences, which can be done by (sometimes) rearranging the words of the sentence, or word replacements (a bit trickier, particularly with finding pronouns for the point of view character).

As an example of what I mean, you can change 'His seven and a half feet were slightly taller than average' to "At seven and a half feet he was slightly taller than average' without changing the meaning.

This also applies (in a slightly different way) to dialogue tags. But here you can also use character actions (e.g. facial expressions) to indicate the next speaker.



Now, the typos I promised:

'“vera við hvíld”' - vera should start with a capital. I think...

'Dagur made sure that as they passed each their shoulders bumped into one another.' - I think that is meant to read 'passed each other', but I would recommend removing the 'each'.

'The man nodded again and said “follow me”'. - capital for follow.

'once he was out of sight of the sentries he preceded at a brisk run towards the forest.' - I believe 'preceded' should be 'proceeded'.

'“Good. Now where will this meeting take place?” the contact replied' - capitalise 'the'.

'“rotna í helvíti”' - times 2, refer to vera.



Keep up the good work.
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