CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was quickly drawn into your story entitled Kide's Awakening.
I enjoyed your setting and your description of your protagonist, Kide and land in which he lived. I was alarmed by his troubles caused by swimming out to what or should I say who, would be introduced as Syrin and her interactions with Kide.
I enjoyed how you used mythology to shape your characters, even down to Syrin's name. She was a bit of a siren, wasn't she?
Something I noticed that might need some attention was that you seemed to put too much into this one piece. There were several tales here, one about who Kide is, one about what his world consists of, and how exactly does Syrin fit into the title. What was Kide's awakening? His meeting of Syrin? I hope that you show us more of this story!
Overall, a solid start to a fantastic story with great characters!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was in the reviewing mood, so I dropped by The Crawling Thane that you had requested I take a look at and review.
This was a very dark yet intriguing piece. You create the brooding setting of Thane Matthew's bedroom with a few but very intense words. Although he getting a bride, someone that aroused him physically and emotionally, there was a dark undertone that made you realize this was not necessarily going to be a happy meeting.
One thing I noticed was the last sentence, there should be an apostrophe at the end of Mathews to denote ownership of his house.
Overall, a solid installment of Hawks with Sins, great job!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was quickly drawn into your short piece about acting that you entitled Performing Arts Youth Summer Camp.
I liked how you described acting as something that you live for and then proceeded to show exactly why it is something that you live for- how you can use it to change a bad mood into a good mood, into a positive one. That is something that would benefit us all if we could learn to turn what we love into something so changing for us.
I commend you for wanting to turn your passion into your career. I have every confidence that you will.
The title of this piece was a bit misleading as I was expecting you to talk about an experience at a performing arts camp or make a plea for folks to donate or fund an existing camp. Perhaps titling your piece better would get more readers. I also suggest some attention to proper grammar and punctuation/capitalization.
Overall, a solid piece that talks about your passion for music and acting and how you plan for it to play a role in your career!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was quickly drawn into your short story entitled, Picnic Memories. I found myself smiling as I read the friendly banter between David and Mary.
I found myself eagerly absorbing their story of that picnic and their discussion about the clouds and their lunch. I felt myself identifying with David and his not having previous luck with the females of our species.
Than bam. The joyous happiness was deflated, but in a good way as I found this was just a memory that David was remembering as he sat by his dying wife's side.
This was a very powerful piece and I am glad that I read it.
Overall, a great emotional piece that hits all the emotions!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was quickly drawn into your story that was inspired by a conversation you had with a kite seller entitled, A Seashore Story.
I enjoyed how you blended your character's language and culture into the story by using the word Amma which means 'mom'. I loved the story being told from the eyes of an eight year old boy who takes on a man's role to help financially support his family.
I shared Monu's and his father's anger at how tourists exploited them and took advantage of his mother's attempting to bath in private. But I also felt the comfort that Monu got from his mother's smile as it greeted him after coming home from working on that Sunday.
Overall, a great short story! I look forward to reading more of your work.
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was quickly drawn into the brief biography you penned of Jensen Ackles. While not a Supernatural fan, it was interesting to read about his earlier roles which prepared him for the Supernatural role
I like the fact that you gave the reader a brief biography that gave an information packed overview of Ackle's career. You mentioned his early roles, where he was born and some other interests he has other than his acting career.
Something I noticed that might need some attention is your choice of only using one paragraph for the biography. There are at least three places where the paragraph could form new ones with a few more sentences each that would make this more of a biography than a biographical blurb.
Overall, solid start in creating a biography piece for Jensen Ackles! This is worth editing and expanding on and plenty of places online where you could market it.
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was quickly drawn into the story written for the WDC Teen Contest entitled, A Day to Remember. I felt bad for the protagonist, Sophie when it was apparent that Christine was taking advantage of her.
The short story progressed at a good pace that allowed you to give examples of the people that Sophie was dealing with- both those helping her and those who made it their goal to hinder her. Even Sophie's own character growth was made apparent at the end where she chose her friend Josh to get the offered reward for the effort placed in creating this American style celebration to celebrate the American holiday on England's shores.
Overall, a great short story and contest entry that had well developed characters!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
ASUMMER FUNREVIEWRAIDREVIEW
I was quickly drawn into your story of the Lemonade Girls Detective Agency with its cozy mystery theme set for the younger reader.
Not only did it portray two young girls who had the creativity to make their own detective agency, but I loved the bit about how they were saving up to purchase their 'office'.
I loved how the mystery was appropriate for the age of the protagonists- too often concepts and situations that younger protagonists find themselves in for the sake of a story are far too 'old' for them. This was a perfect fit and something I wouldn't mind my younger nieces and nephews reading.
Overall, a great little cozy mystery for the pint-sized protagonists to solve, Mari Lena made a good choice when hiring Mandy and Gina!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into Independence Day by the very first line. I thought I would be reading a darker tale and the knife the protagonist had brought in her purse would be used, but instead, it was the 'knife' created by the husband and his younger lover, created from the lies he had been living.
I enjoy how you used the setting, the fireworks show, to mirror the destruction of the relationship from the wife's eyes. I enjoyed how the the day, the fourth of July, America's Independence day, also became the protagonist's independence day. Although, it seemed that she saw a great deal more loss than gain in that independence.
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into your short story entitled The Paradox by your uniquely named protagonists, Skitter and Jejune Kludge and the fact they were described as being the most reputable but least competent hitmen in the multiverse.
I liked the detail about Kludge's reaction to Constance when she was giving him and Skitter their new assignment.
Something I noticed could use some attention would be cleaning up some grammar issues, punctuation, and capitalization issues. I would also have liked to have seen more of a story- this was a great introduction, a good start, but some more would be great.
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into your editorial entitled Moral Values Disappearing Today.
I realize you are from India and the specific examples you use are from your country, but there is an element of the issue that makes it universal. We are distancing ourselves from our cultures and roots that give us a guide and we are suffering because of it- especially women, sadly.
Something I noticed that might need some attention was spelling and grammar if this piece is intended for an English-speaking audience. For example, the word 'illtreated' should be ill-treated and 'women hood' should be womanhood.
Overall, a solid editorial! I look forward to reading more from you.
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into The Seven Nomads by the protagonist, Mariah and her struggle against the life she was leading. As she stated, her life wasn't bad, but she wanted something different.
I enjoyed how you worked elements of Mariah's culture into your story. You gave us interesting glimpses of the life she led and how change became a very important goal for her.
Something I noticed that might need some attention was the fact you put so many of those cultural tidbits into the short story. Perhaps a leaving a few out for a later chapter in the series it would let the reader adjust and admire the world in this story.
I would also do some editing with a focus on spelling and making sure you use the right words- for example: than rather than that in the first paragraph
Overall, a solid start that leaves a reader wanting to know more about Mariah and the world she inhabits!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into the tale of Nt Fairy-tale Godfather by it's very first scene that not only entertains but gives vital information about the protagonist. Especially with short stories, the goal is to make very scene count on multiple levels. This story certainly does that.
I admit to think that perhaps the protagonist was a young man as well as the duke's son, but there was a pleasant twist as I discovered the young rogue was a woman when she was fighting her attraction to the female healer. I do not envy Kissla- she is drawn to both Carolie and Drensen.
Is it too much to hope for that she gets to keep and win both?
Overall, awesome tale that I have marked as a favorite and will be reading the other tales that follow!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into Beady Little Eyes by it's very first few lines. Using form of repetition of words within the lines give it a dark beat. I can almost feel those dark, evil, little, beady eyes staring through me as I read the stanzas.
You convey the evilness and ill intent in his eyes so well that I was cringing and pleading right alongside of you. Well done! That is the very soul of the definition of poetry. Make the reader identify and feel what you are feeling.
Overall, a solid poem that calls for a reader to identify with you and feel what you are feeling!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into your scary autobiographical piece entitled Cancer as My Signpost
I had a cancer scare a few years ago, so I can identify with some of your emotions that were vibrantly expressed in this piece, but only some as my mass was removed (over twenty pounds!) and biopsy showed it was benign.
Cancer, or any disease doesn't strike because of a person's finances, station in life, profession, or even attitude of self-worth (or lack thereof). I understand the thought processes though and I am sure it is a relief for someone having those thoughts to see that that they are not alone- something they would certainly do when reading this piece.
I am so glad and happy for you that you are healthy!
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into your editorial entitled Importance of Newspapers
You hooked the reader with a describing the global village that we all reside in and grabbed their attention with talk about images of a dead Syrian child, a handshake between global powers and how close we are to all of these images and events through our smart devices.
You then asked a question to put build the foundation for your argument- can these devices take the place of a newspaper, paper and ink that you hold in your hands and fold as you turn the page. Your response is that no, they cannot.
You gave a good argument as to why, and you almost convinced me personally, but you are talking to someone who has Kindle subscriptions to several major newspapers and I find the waste of paper and even ink to be abhorrent in today's society
Something I noticed that might need some attention was nothing with the piece itself, but perhaps familiarizing yourself better with WritingML would be handy
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into your poem, Dibble Dabble. I enjoyed it's whimsical approach to describe the very serious reasons why many of us write!
I loved the beginning pairing in each of the stanzas. They set the tone for each reason and method you employ as your write.
Overall, an awesome poem! I am new here and am 'fanning' or is it fan'ing you? I don't know, but I am doing it so that I can come back and explore your portfolio.
CelticSeaWolfe has landed aboard your Portfolio! Don't worry, this ocean-going wolf is all up to date on his vaccinations and is boat-broken!
I was quickly drawn into the first short chapter of The Life of Princess Genevieve.
I like how you gave Genevieve a family background. You introduced her parents and gave a brief explanation of an event in her mother's life that led her parents to fear for her life. I look forward to reading more of her royal life and her experiences at the school she is about to attend.
There were a few things I noticed that should be addressed to tighten the first chapter of this story up. I would start by playing close attention to proper punctuation and capitalization. There should be a comma after 'once upon a time', for example.
The second sentence could use some expanding upon as well as either a comma or a semicolon, depending on how or if it is expanded on.
Overall, decent work and a promising start to a story!
Your free verse poem, entitled Life, is very good. A brief expression of what life is to you and how everyone should be free to live, share, and love- instead of bicker, condemn, and fight.
I would suggest some editing- we're instead of were, and their instead of 'there names'. Also, expand on that line, give us some names.
Magic Lamp is a very good free verse poem. The words truly resonate, especially the lines about how the stories are always spread about how someone will come and save you, but they never do. All talk, especially from people who want to sell you a religion or product.
The only suggestion I would make, is to change 'that' to 'who' in this line: You always hear about someone that will swoop in and save you,
Werewolves are a favorite of mine, especially when it comes to mythology and folklore. I love reading new takes on their creation, their existence, and their stories. You have a solid glimpse at the creation of the werewolf and her history. It will be interesting to see where you go with this and how you expand on what a Luna is.
Some suggestions, if you don't mind- tighten up on your punctuation, particularly the apostrophe and where to use it and the comma. Also watch capitalization- I, I'm, and I've are always capitalized.
Once upon a time there was a Newbie at Writing.Com called Celtic Sea Wolffe. Everyday,since joining (and it hasn't been that long to be honest), he tries to read several new pieces and rate and review them as he is eager to become a contributing member of the Writing.Com community and meet new writing friends. One day, he made the acquaintance of a chap called Bubblegum Jones when Jones left a wonderful review on one of his works. Because of that, Celtic Sea Wolffe dropped by Jone's port and began exploring. Until finally, he came across this neat little interactive assignment and took part in the activity. He was mightily impressed by this neat little activity and it helped to get his creative gears turning whilst recovering from eating too much at lunch. Impressive, Bubblegum Jones, impressive. Thank you!
The story of Honey-pot Lane, Sammy, Cynthia, and her nemesis Alfred Stimpson, made a wonderful morning read to accompany my coffee.
Cynthia reminded me of an evil, not quite so smart Jeeves while Sammy reminded me of a slightly smarter Bertie Wooster. I would enjoy reading more of these characters.
There was one spot that confused me a bit- the paragraph that had Cynthia watching the bricklayer. His name is listed as Sam and it seems a bit too close to Sammy. I had to re-read that paragraph and the preceding one to make sure I didn't miss anything.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.17 seconds at 11:14am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.