Overall: This was a good story. The end went to fast. I think you should say what happened after she found out that he was an angel sent from heaven. I loved the idea though. But you should expand on it.
Setting: You described the surroundings a lot.
Charactors: The main charactor's feelings at the end should be expressed. I liked the other charactors too.
Overall: Good story! You did a good job at focusing more on the story than the letters at the beginning of the words. I'd never heard of this guy before but you seem to have researched him well or something because it was very detailed.
Rhyming: It seemed very fresh and just kind of happened.
Topic: I like how you're spreading the word on this guy!
You have a natural ability for writing poems. Keep it up.
The bombings in London really upsetted me. I was only in 4th grade when Sept 11 happened so I didn't quite understand but I did when these happened. This is a topic that should be remembered because it reminded us of how unexpected they were.
Overall: This poem was small and didn't capture the emotions of fear that arose during that time, the panic that followed, or what we learned. You made it seem too much like a depressing memorial speech or something. Poems need to have more feeling. I also think you should lengthen the lines and get rid of the rhyming because the rhyming draws too much unneeded attention.
Voice: You feel just as strongly as I do. Try putting all your emotions into this.
Favorite Part: You mentioned London is strong at the end. This statement is so true and although it is a simple thought it gives a good impression.
If you take some of my advice this will be a touching poem. I enjoyed reviewing it.
Overall: This was the best poems I've read in a long time. You have a sort of unique ingeniousness that makes you a good author. It's amazing how you can go from grass to death. I don't know anyone that could do that!
Voice: Original. Loved it.
Grammer/Spelling: Perfect.
Improvements: Unfortunately none. :}
I enjoyed reading an interesting view of explaining death. Keep it up!
My comments: I think your poem needs some little adjustments. It flows but the ending "my love" is too repeditive and distracts the reader. Also, I didn't really feel what you were trying to express so maybe you could use some stronger words of feeling and emotion. Otherwise you could build on to what you already have by gradually adding a story or by describing this man in detail. You have a good foundation, you just need to look over it some more.
DON'T GIVE UP! Romantic poems are tough but like I said you almost have it down.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cbrookbank423
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:09pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
