I thought I'd take a look in your portfolio to determine what my own pieces may be lacking from your perspective. Comparing our "poetry" I've found that yours is more lyrical in tone. It reminds me of artsy punk lyrics. It doesn't necessarily read easily as poetry because it is not broken into clear lines. I'm thinking that you should try to make this a short story instead of a poem. It has short story potential, but leaving it in poetic form will not do it justice.
Eliot, I've been reading a lot of short stories lately and this one reminds me of John Cheever's "Reunion." You set the story up well and did so quickly. After reading about how the mother decided to move for no apparent reason and about the Oklahoma City bombing, the finger just points at the mother! That is the first thought after reading. It is defnintely odd to have that many coincidences to one family. It makes me wonder what happens to the family on a daily basis. I really liked this story. It caught my interest right away with the title and kept me interested throughout. Thanks for the opportunity to read this work! Great job!
Tevie, I do sense the movie "Dinosaurs" within this prose. I see animals (I tend to think of elephants) migrating in my head. I did like your prose, but my interest wasn't captured. It is a good effort, do not get me wrong. Maybe if you had one species in mind, you could describe them and their surroundings. The one thing that bothered me was your structuring of this piece. The alignment is odd and lines are not clearly defined. But other than that, you have a piece on your hands that holds potential.
Keep writing,
Nic
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