Hey Foster. I love the idea of your poem because the greatest thing about your love is how even the most beautiful things no longer seem to compare! I will say that you might want to review the pacing for your poem. The way it looks, the pacing is rather long and dragging. Maybe breaking it into shorter stanzas could help. If not, there do seem to be some unnecessary words in there. For your first stanza, you can leave out "of Earth". It doesn't really do anything to help your poem and the distinction wasn't necessary. Take a look at it and maybe try some edits. If you'd like me to look again, I'd love to.
Limericks are fun and I think that that's what your poem is. There really isn't anything to delve into. It was a fun little limerick about how much you like St. Patrick's Day. I don't know if there's anything I could criticize about it. If you ever decide to make any changes for some reason, let me know.
Hey! I thought your poem had good pacing. It flowed quickly, like I would think of with anxiety. To me though, the poem doesn't fit the description you gave it. It feels less like a poem about anxiety and depression, but more about heartbreak and the negative results. The idea of the long-lost lover's ghost felt like a mention of the hold old love has over us; like they are still there even though what you had is dead. Your final section feels like a warning, like the subject is now something dangerous. I think this poem could be reworked into something more regarding heartbreak. If you want me to look at it again at some point, I'd love to!
I really thought that your poem was good. You did an excellent job of representing the two halves of your story and gave them equal weight. My only suggestion would be some minor rewriting. The last line of your first stanza uses the word stuff and the general phrasing of that line feels to me like it trivializes the joy that Cat gains from Flossie. I think if you went through this and tried to match the phrasing a bit more with your intended message, it would come out better. Keep up the good work.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/casperramirez
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 4:52am on Dec 28, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
