I got a very strong 'Pulp Fiction' / 'Resevoir Dogs' vibe when I read this. That being said, I would love to see this idea expanded upon. Two girls commit a murder in a big city for reasons unknown? Sounds like fun to me! I also quite enjoyed the characterization of Alex and Alyssa respectively. Alyssa's 'so what' attitude was just unreal enough to be realistic. Apologies if that doesn't make any sense, haha. Alex, on the other hand was just so... so real. The exact response of someone who realises the consequences of commiting 'MURDER'.
I only have two gripes with this. neither of them earth-shattering. The first, and most obvious of the two, is the formatting. This is mostly just personal preference talking, but reading a wall of text without indents or spacing is rather difficult, and can actually turn away a number of potential readers. Secondly, the character descriptions seemed to focus more on their attire than anything else- skin tone, eye color and height are also rather important to consider when writing descriptively.
But~, other than those two things you didn't do bad at all. I sincerely hope you expand this into something bigger.
I will admit- when I clicked on this I was not expecting something so... resonant. We have all, undoudtedly, known someone like this- at least in passing- and with the added subtext of a close relationship it becomes that much more moving. My only complaint- and I recognize that is most certainly a shallow one- is that it was so short. But I'll just chalk that up to my craving to know more of this arrogant person you write and of the trials such an outlook can bring upon those around her.
You write beautifully. Keep striving to reach higher and I have little doubt that your fingertips will brush against the stars.
-Formless
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