I am on the floor laughing my head off. I logged on today hoping to find some inspiration for a domestic abuse novel, and instead I discovered this. I applaud you good sir. ( or miss ) The complete and utter stupidity of this story combined with brutal satirical truth creates a grade A level representation of idiocy. Great job.
There is something so personal about this poem. I live in a very farm centered community, and I see this same images so often. Memories, still alive. Thank you.
Hello. My name is kk. I don't give out many reviews, but I thought Id give you some feedback. I really can connect to this poem. Every day I struggle with the feeling that I am so small, and this world and this God thing is so big. Thank you for basically summing up my emotions into a poem. That's something I've never been able to do in my poetry. I write for other peoples emotions, not my own. In a way, reading this was like reading my own poetry from a different point of view. Also, I read your poem backwards. I don't know if you intended for someone to do that, but try reading it that way too. It works, I can not explain it in words, but it works.
Hello. my name is kk and I loved being able to read your poem. It reminded me of something I would write myself. The purpose of my review is only to offer my personal opinion, please don't feel like I am trying to change your work.
I really enjoyed the topic you choose. Death is a theme that can easily be molded in many directions, and you sculpted it into a very human form. A person that we try to run away from, but can't.
I could tell you were trying to follow a traditional form of rhyme with this poem, but I feel you stumbled a little. The pattern is not fixed, yet is not free enough to be considered open or freeverse.
"I saw it then, an apparition.I took its hand; that was its mission.
For a while I stood from above and watched below.My body on the ground, so low"
In these lines the rhyme fits perfectly, a standard aabb.
"Come on now think, it's just a start,Your mind hasn't raced very far.You can do better, you know you can.Would it be better if you ran?"
In these lines you used a abcc pattern. Over all, I feel your poem would flow better if you stuck with a single pattern.
Great work. Keep writing.
This was a beautiful example of prose. I am very impressed by your skill level in creating such a meaningful tale. I feel this piece represents to me the burden the old carry, remembering the past yet haunted by what has replaced it. I feel your use of rhyme was on point. In all honesty I have no negative critiques. The only thing I would suggest is that the title does not do justice to the work. Something more powerful, perhaps "Remains" would capture the depth of the piece. Amazing job. Keep writing.
Hello, my name is kk and I am reviewing your poem ( at least that's what I would consider it ) because it came up under the random review. I absolutely love this work. At first, I assumed this would be a work of comedy, but as I kept reading, I found myself pulled into every word you wrote. I loved how you outlined every major event in your life since you got the car in a way which made me picture not your thoughts, but the cars thoughts. I see this vehicle as a living, breathing thing, something that had been with you just like a sister or best friend. I rarely give 5 out of 5 stars, but this deserves it. As I read further to the bottom, I picture the dying car as a dying person. The final lines almost made me cry. Amazing work.
Hello. My name is KK and I am reviewing your story because it appeared under the random review. I am normally a poetry reviewer, so I'm sorry I can't use my usual rubric in this review.
Although I am not a sci fi fan, I enjoyed the theme of your story. Even though the theme of colonized Mars is a bit cliche, you crafted it into a well written short. My favorite part is the ending, I think it would be interesting if you elaborated on the ending more in another story. Overall, good job.
Hello. Your poem appeared under the random review tab, so I wanted to give you feedback on your poem.
( please remember, these are just my suggestions. You can do anything with your writing you feel, no matter what reviewers tell you )
My favorite section: The darkness becomes your light, and your world becomes bittersweet and dim.
I really enjoyed this part because it connected the poem to my personal life, to feelings I have felt in previous years.
I also liked how you chose to write this poem in free verse ( might I suggest the shadows and light free verse group ). The poem does not require a rhyme scheme to create a vivid picture.
My only critique is that you repeated yourself a few times, using unique words such as bittersweet twice. This takes away from the uniqueness of these words in my opinion. I'd suggest attempting to use different vocabulary, especially because, with a free verse poem, the sky is the limit when it comes to vocabulary.
Overall, nice job. I would be happy to read more of your work.
KK
There's a certain beauty in simplicity; in, not to say lack of detail, but in lack of detail. Poetry doesn't need a plot, doesn't need character, it just needs to flow. It's almost like a chant or a song, the way you write/read it means as much as what it actually says. I feel you captured this flow quite nicely, the words work very well together. Also, even though you ( the writer ) could be thousands of miles from where I sit now reading this, I still feel like I can connect to you through this work. Well done. If I were to give you any advice, it would be to slightly modify the wording. See, from lines 6 to 11, the last word of the phase directly matches or pairs with the "from ( insert word )" of the next phrase. However, lines 1 to 5 and lines 12 to 17 don't follow this pattern. I would attempt to reword the poem to either match the middle style, or keep from a style all together. Overall, you have a lot of potential as a writer. Your strength in capturing emotion is great. You need to work on sticking to a distinct pattern/style in the future. Hope this helps. Keep writing.
Your poem has a very happy, almost bouncy flow to it. I can easily see a revised version being used in a children's picture book or something of that sort. However, there are a few times where I would suggest changing you wording. In the last part of your first stanza, instead of using the term were, try all. It rolls off the tongue better. Little changes like this can really add to a work, even one meant for children. Over all, good job. Keep writing.
Good start. I enjoyed how the poem is based on real life, has a personal touch. Your ending was a bit of a let down though, but that is just my opinion. Also, the lettering added a bit of unnecessary choppiness to the work. Over all, a good poem. Keep on writing. :)
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