In the beginning, I thought you had made an error by using the word 'match', or 'matched' mulitiple times, but by the time I got to the end, I could see that this was just one more manifestation of this man's insecurites. Somehow, he seemed to think that all would be right with the world if he could get just stay in sync with this woman he loved. When I read your 'disclaimer' at the bottom, I chuckled, realizing that you, too, were a bit uncomfortable with the repetition, and concerned that your readers might not recognize that this only further displayed the phobia of the man in the story.
It is very well written, and, most definitely, moved me emotionally. It made me sad, like this man is sad. Only pieces that are well written can produce emotional reactions like the one I experienced reading this. Well done. Keep up the good work.
Again, I thoroughly enjoyed your post, if all men loved women the way you do, life would be much more pleasant.
I dont really have any constructive criticism for your syntax. Your work is very easy to read, flows nicely and follows a logical pattern. The only thing I would suggest is that you check out the Grammar Bee, here on writing.com. I think you would benefit from her lesson about the use of commas. I think there are a few places you could have, maybe even should have, used them. Check it out and see what you think.
Please keep writing so I can keep reading your work!
This is all very helpful. I have not yet begun writing the book I know is inside waiting to be set free, but everyday, I am a step closer. Reading this helps. The 3-step plan is most helpful. Even though I have read many, many books, I never broke it down like you have written here but now see it plain as day. I think I'm going to go ahead and buy Mr. Bell's book, sure that I will want to refer to it over and over again. Thank you for these lessons, I look forward to the next.
"Wow!" That is the word that came out of my mouth as I read the last words of this story. You are indeed, a talented writer. I simply loved the story and the way you told it. I liked the way you started out at the end, went back to the beginning and finished where you started. You made that work perfectly. I also liked how succinct you were. It may have made the story a hair more dispassionate than it, perhaps, should have been, but really, I cant complain..it was brilliant! The story line flowed smoothly from start to finish..I couldnt stop reading until it was over. It was totally plausible and 'creeped me out'! Your few, but well placed mentions of God and scripture made me think of the mark of the beast..what better way to fool us all into taking it!! I hope that I will be able to write this cripsp, clear and concise as I begin to put pen to paper. Thank you for a great read..I cant wait for more!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/callmegin
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 2:57pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
