Hello Gracelin!
I found some typos: Then a young man and woman wrapped in each others embrace Joseph lay limp on the floor Liza lay down beside her and wrapped her arms comfortingly around her,
Great second chapter! I liked the character development and enjoyed learning about Crystal's family, and I find the looming marriage announcement a really interesting idea. Can't wait to find out what happens at the ball! (Assuming she will end up going)
The only thing I can fault is your use of punctuation, in some parts the words don't flow as well as they could.
I'd really recommend going through the entire thing and reading it aloud, if you've never done so. It's a great way of rooting out anything that just doesn't sound right.
Well done, I'll definitely be reading on.
Caitlin
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/caitstafford
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:33am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
