The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): How incredibly heartbreaking! And yet, the way you write about the whole thing is vivid and beautiful.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I could not find anything here that required editing. No obvious spelling or grammatical errors
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): The emotion is carried very strongly in this "essay" (not really sure what to call it but you have the item labeled as essay, so I'll stick with that ). Your description of the trees, the willow specifically, are beautiful and dramatic.
My favorite lines are: "I've watched her graceful branches dance in the wind, seeming to celebrate life. She taught me to sway with life's storms. She taught me to dance in the face of life's windier times"
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I don't know if I agree with you about winter, per se, but I certainly feel the same way about summer Personally, I'd take a nice brisk Autumn any day!
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not find any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. The poem is short but sweet and appears to be nicely edited already
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): Let's just say I could picture this, I could even feel the discomforts of summer while I read this poem. I am now appreciating my freezing cold weather and cozy indoor heater all the more at the moment.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I'm curious, painfully curious.... I really am hoping this is the beginning of something and you aren't playing cruel games with me I want to know! And you completely left me hanging
Good job building up the suspense and getting my interest peaked. I had no idea what he was going to find. My mind was wandering while reading a little, thinking up the possibilities!
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I only noticed one editing issue I'd like to point out: "A boy makes a discover about the past " ~ This is actually in your item description. I think you meant "discovery" here?
Other than that, I did not come across any obvious spelling or grammatical errors
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I really liked the voice you used in this story. It blended with the dialect of the characters, and lines like "Mama came running to beat the devil, tryin’ to find out what had scared her boy so bad." felt completely at home in the story. The cliff-hanger mystery at the ending still has me a little grumbly but if that was your intent, it is a good snippet of a story nonetheless
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): You took me for a bit of an emotional roller-coaster with this poem. I started out thinking "awww, this is so incredibly sweet!", then I moved into sadness by the middle and wanted to cry, and by the end I was resigned, "that is life". The ability to have your readers associate and follow along both visually and emotionally is the sign of a good poem as far as I am concerned
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not notice any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. This seems to be a very well written, well thought out piece that has been edited cleanly
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I actually read this poem earlier in the day and couldn't decide how to review it or what I wanted to say about it. Obviously I have nothing but compliments. I'm going to go poke around your port some more and see what else I can find
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I am very much impressed by your poetry so far. There is a simplicity that almost mimics innocence... but that's not it either. Can't put my finger on it
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not find any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. The form held true throughout and the rhymes did not feel forced to fit into the poem.
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): On the whole, a very lovely and deeply visual poem. My favorite line was actually the ending: "Night sky, you take my breath away
As each night you cast your spell anew"
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): This is an incredibly emotional and painful poem to read. It certainly conjured up memories of friends I've lost myself, regrets I've had about them. You made the reader associate while reading this
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not notice any obvious spelling or grammatical errors.
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): This poem is wrought with deep sadness and a sense of longing for the past, for "before".
My favorite lines purely for wording or visual purposes: "Blood on the ground, pools crimson red,
That one brief tragic moment in time left you dead.
and also "My heart, merely an organ in my body, somehow ceases to beat,
I hang my head low, never having known such a feeling of defeat."
Thank you for sharing this with us!
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): This is a topic that I also struggled with at a certain point in my life: Before my husband and I were together, I had a 6 year relationship with someone who felt the need to criticize who I was and tried to change me. Out of love, I hid myself and tried to make him happy - but when it comes down to it, it isn't really love if you can't be yourself and they don't love you for who you actually are. It's a hard and emotional topic to write about in a form like poetry.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not find any obvious spelling or grammatical errors.
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): It is a simple, no frills poem with a consistent rhyme scheme. None of the rhymes felt forced to fit into the poem. I think the simplicity of the poem makes the content stand out more, you focus more on the topic and less on the form.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): It is an interesting idea: prayer vs. wish. The painful life story you unfold here is heart-wrenching and I hope things get better for your situation and your children.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I am going to offer and list some editing advice as this piece needs to be heavily editing in terms of the writing.
First, in your item description: "Of how prayers maybe answered, but at what prise to others" - you need to change the spelling to "price".
Second, in the line " You know that in the fairy tales that the person makes a wonderful wish just to find that when the wish is granted they are consequences to the change" - would make more sense as: "You know that in the fairy tales that the person makes a wonderful wish just to find that when the wish is granted theythat there are consequences to the change.
Also: "Sometimes we want or need something thatand we act as though we are two years old throwing our tantrums."
And: " never gave God ears a break from" should be "God's", as in the ears belonging to God.
Also: "most beautiful child to me I had ever sawseen
For the line: "I didn’t know how selfish I was being selfish", you only need "selfish" once. I would take out the second one.
For the line: "had to discipline as well as confront" did you mean "comfort" here instead of "confront"? I'm not sure confront makes sense here.
There were other grammatical and punctuation issues that should be addressed but I think these things should come first.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I am not one to impose my thoughts on other people's beliefs, so I won't comment on that. You begin with the idea of prayer vs. wish, which I think is interesting but you veer off into a personal example and never get back to the idea you started with. (Coming full circle). The piece could also benefit from some thorough editing.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): Ahahahahahahahahahaha *catch my breath* hahahahahahaha.
Okay, now that I am done with my obnoxious laughing. That was hysterical! I am thoroughly amused and impressed with your writing.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not notice any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. This appears to be a well manicured and edited piece.
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I am not sure what I was expecting at the end but you wrapped it up perfectly. It is a complete story, despite it's length (some stories just seem to stop suddenly, this one had everything it needed and nothing it didn't). I look forward to reading your other work, and I may even take a stroll through your website when I get a chance. Thank you for sharing this with us!
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): This is a lovely and highly visual snippet of childhood and innocence.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not find any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. My only suggestion would be to make the font size slightly larger as it is hard to read.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I enjoyed reading your poetry. The vividness of you words here is very strong and poignant. I liked the visual of racing each other and also racing against time (since this poem's themed with youth and innocence).
My favorite lines were: "the sun angled her rays sharply
to paint the rattling corn fields
with familiar colors"
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I have decided I like your poetry very much. This one was longer but also very good, very vivid and visceral with your word choices.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not notice any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. I did have a few suggestions (I actually write my poetry in a similar style and these were things that have been pointed out to me, so I figured I'd pass them along). First, the staggering of your lines is effective if used properly, though I felt the excessive space before "Reckless flung from your mouth" was not necessary. Secondly, the lines "But momentarily, I try to ignore..." The word "But" seems too simple here with the lush and vividness of the rest of the poem. Perhaps try removing "But" altogether and simply starting the line with "Momentarily". Also, the "..." doesn't really serve your poem here. It has it's uses for a pause or to make the reader think on the last thing said, but here it really doesn't add anything to what you're trying to convey. Lastly, the line "Surprise attack" was too straightforward. You spent the entire poem painting us an elusive picture (because you never do tell us what he said so wittily and hurtful - you left me wondering ), and then you state this so matter-of-fact when it isn't needed. You have already established throughout the poem that this witty comment was an unexpected attack. I was upset to be told so bluntly after you had already lead me there with more persuasive words.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I did have a few suggestions, but overall I enjoyed reading your poem. I loved the words you chose, the fact that you hinted without really saying. The tone and the emotion were relatable.
My favorite lines: "Threads resentment, Infection, Bitterness in my heart" and " My wounded heart cries defiance".
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I am not sure what I was expecting when I opened this while poking around your port, but I am very much impressed. I LOVED this short poem. It felt like everything that needed to be in it and needed to be said was where it should be.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not notice any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. I really have no complaints
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): This is a well written, concise and complete poem. It was incredibly visual and visceral despite how short it was.
My favorite lines: "I am Woman Smooth as Bone" and "Of creamy, graceful animation". Well done! Thank you for sharing this with us!
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): This was delightful, whimsical and incredibly visual poem! (Just what I needed this morning; a little comic relief!)
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not find any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. The rhymes were consistent and nothing felt forced to fit into the poem. *bigmsile*
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): This poem was fun and enjoyable to read. I liked the last bit about the garlic tomato sauce Very funny. The mere notion of a vampire vegetarian is amusing. Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): Once again I am impressed by the originality of your idea. This is a lovely (though sad) poem. I'm not going to try to read more into it than you put down in it; no ramblings on a warning about Global Warming and whatever
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not notice any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. I saw no lapses in your chosen form. None of the rhymes feel forced to conform to the poem. I don't really have any criticism. My only question is, should the word Spring be capitalized when used here since it is a name/noun? It's up to you. Nice work
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I enjoyed reading this poem. I think your imagery and form are well written, your poem has an interesting theme and is creative.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): This was an interesting idea / short story. I wasn't expecting the ending, nor did I anticipate it.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not find any glaring spelling or grammatical errors. There were a few instances where the past tense seemed to lapse. For example: "Truth was I had never flown, but I have never been more frightened of anything in my life". The past and present tenses get mixed a little (I only notice because I tend to do this a lot myself). I would suggest combing over it to check for tense shifts.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I like the idea of this story. It is a compact little story and is, not only a neat idea ( Tea Leaf Reader? Cool!) but also an original one.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): First let me say how incredibly glad I am that I decided to read this. I was looking for something to read and randomly came across this short story. The title peaked my interest and after reading the first few paragraphs, the combination of the title and the writing held my curiosity. The story is well thought out, well written and engaging. It held my attention from start to finish.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not find any obvious spelling or grammatical errors. This is a good indication of a well edited piece as is also apparent in the fact that it won a contest and has already been granted an award
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I enjoyed reading this story (it is not my usual genre but I could easily connect with the characters, the emotion and setting). The descriptions were vivid and the dialogue flowed smoothly. The tone was consistent from beginning to end. The story itself was engaging, and the little cliff hanger at the end left me curious for more. I don't know if this is the beginning of something you are working on further or a stand alone piece for the contest. Either way, it was well done and certainly deserved the award. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): This was a great story! I start off saying this because I feel the measure of a great story is one that leaves an impression long afterwards, something that sticks with you and you think about for a time after. I actually read this a few days ago and had the occasion to mention it to someone else. I was impressed by the easy flow of the narrative and the creative (yet believable) sci-fi content.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): I did not notice any obvious spelling or gramatical errors. My only suggestion / issue with the story was actually the title. The simplistic and (please don't be offended!) cheesy title did not fit with the wonderful creative writing and feel of the story! I actually almost didn't read it when I first came across it because of the title. They say it is not good to judge a book by it's cover (or title, in this case) but unfortunately that first impression is usually what makes a reader decide if they should venture in or pass the story by.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I really enjoyed reading this story and would gladly (and have gladly) recommended it as reading to other people who enjoy sci-fi and unusual fiction. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I'm glad you finally put something up (though I do want to see some creative writing up here soon). I'm glad you've taken an interest in journalism... I never had a taste for it.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): This short little article needs a great deal of "cleaning up" in terms of spelling and grammar, but I'm used to that with you... you do things too quickly and don't take a moment to doublecheck your work... but I guess that's why I'm here. What are older sister's with college degrees in writing for anyway? lol We'll start with spelling issues today and then work on more once you've edited. " Word of Obama’s pans for nominating " ~ I think you meant "plan" " Many people have different opinions regarding Hilary. Some think that she has a biased opinion toward the Israeli-Iran issue. Hugo Jaime a graduate of Thomas Edison stated " ~ I would rework the first two sentences and combine them into one. Also, the third sentence should be: "Hugo Jaime, a graduate of Thomas Edison High School stated," " “In her previous comments, especially as senator, she has shown a marked bias towards the Israeli stance.” “Hilary has been very hawkish; this attitude is not a good starting point for dialogue and conciliation." ~ First, your second quote is missing the ending ". Secondly, I know you are not yet familiar with this site's various coding for format. I suggest putting the quotes on separate lines to avoid confusion. Try separating them on different lines: “In her previous comments, especially as senator, she has shown a marked bias towards the Israeli stance.”
“Hilary has been very hawkish; this attitude is not a good starting point for dialogue and conciliation."
This goes for all the quotes from schoolmates you use in this article. " Another Hilary supporter Naziat Zaman a Senior at Stuyvesant High school states " ~ once again, use of commas here. Another Hilary supporter, Naziat Zaman a Senior at Stuyvesant High school, states " since the bush administration " ~ "Bush Administration should probably be capitalized (not that it deserves to be so) " On a lighter note Amy Poehler returns to SNL as Hilary Clinton with another skit as Hilary Clinton. "Like the South, vampires and Britney Spears, we will rise again."" ~ One a lighter note , Amy Poehler...
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I liked how you ended it with the mention of political satire. The article needs to be cleaned up in terms of spelling, format and punctuation. Let me know when you revise and I'll read it over again. *hugs*
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
I'm so glad to see the spirit of LL&L still lingers! This is a wonderful group that I think has a positive goal and helps to encourage speculative fiction writers. The group page itself is neat, well organized, the rules and mission is clear and easy to understand. Kudos!
P.S. (((Satuawany))) so happy to see you are still here on w.com bringing help and encouragement to others on the site.
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I really enjoyed reading this poem (you have no idea! lol) A simple idea / thought that should be obvious but most people never think twice about it. Your format and collection of what I am going to call "moments" (because they are each a moment and yet happen at the same moment) fit together nicely and yet each stood apart.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): Firstly, I felt that the title does not meet the standards of the poem. What I mean by this is the poem is small but very full and the title is simple and falls flat. " A new relationship is flowing " ~ the word "flowing" seems out of place here. On my first read I expected the word "growing" to be there instead. " So much can happen,
Before a leaf touches the ground. " ~ much like the title, the phrase "so much can happen" seems so empty for a poem that is so full. Ending this poem with this line detracts from its potency (at least to me). I would suggest playing with the idea of "so much can happen" without explicitly using those words. Perhaps even just ending it with "the leaf touches the ground" or something similar.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I think I've said most of it above, but I really did enjoy this poem. I think it was well written and did not find any obvious spelling or gramatical errors. I do feel that there are a few lines, as well as the title, that could be re-worked and edited to further enhance this poem.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I like the idea for this poem. Life as a journey that twists and changes - just when you think you're headed to a bad place it can change so suddenly into something positive (and visa versa).
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking): First, I am hoping / assuming that the first "Life" is the title being placed above the poem and not the first line of your poem itself. If it is the title, I suggest separating it either via a space between them or by use of either different font or bold lettering or underline etc. If it is supposed to be the first line of the poem it ends up being redundant. " But only to extent" ~ there seems to be a word missing here before "extent". Try using "the" or "an" here. "This way and that way {/ i}" ~ The poem has already fully established the winding and ever-shifting nature of life. That being said, this line is not needed and only serves to be repetitive. I would suggest removing it and see how the poem flows.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I loved the idea and the visual of life being "always bent". This poem has potential but it could use some editing to remove repetitive words and ideas. If you say it right the first time the message will ring true.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): I liked your inclusion of both definitions of manipulation. I have only really experienced the second one, which, I agree with you, somehow seems the more painful being emotionally manipulated vs. physically.
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking):
I did not notice any obvious spelling or gramatical errors. My only concern (and it's not much of one really) is that the entire poem seems to be in rhyming pairs except for the first stanza and a few other places. That may be intentional but I wanted to point it out.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): My favorite part: The linking and playful use of "compliant" against "complaint" was very clever and well done! Great job!
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): The rhymes are (almost) flawless. And what I mean by that is there are no awkward rhymes, no overuse or forced pairings. Good job!
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking):
To be honest, I wish there was more. This poem hints at a deeper story that never emmerges, especially in the middle stanzas.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I enjoyed the dark tone of this poem (especially right after Halloween!) The rhymes, as I said, are well placed throughout the poem. Yet, I feel like you hint at there being more which never comes to fruition. "Deft remorse tears at her heart" and "The lonely catalyst demands its part" makes me want to know more and see more than the few tid bits offered.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
The Good (What I liked / What your work was strongest in): The vividness and simplicity. Its a small, short poem but it packs a great deal into very few words. I loved the use of the word "clamorous" to describe the sleeping arm. That is EXACTLY how it is in the morning!
The Bad (Errors & Solutions / What I feel your work was lacking):
There isn't much here to alter: My only real issue was with the use of the color pink. While pink is a very morning feeling color (as in the newness of the day and the colors in the sky as the sun rises) it seemed very blunt when combined with "chest". This poem has a very lazy, relaxed tone and pink is a more upbeat and vibrant color. I'm not sure what to suggest to do about it if you chose to.
(Feel free to ignore me if this goes against what you intended for this work.)
The Ugly…. Truth (Overall Comments): I'm not sure why the ratings on this poem are so mediocre. I enjoyed reading it, had very few issues with spelling / grammar etc. I feel it conveyed a very endearing scene quite vividly.
I hope some of this was helpful.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
*red*Wow! I have missed a lot since I hav been gone. Well I don't have enough gps left to bid so I was just stopping by to commend your good work and good deeds. This is a great auction to support good w.com causes. Well laid out and organized! There are a number of nice and useful items up for bid. I recommend anyone who hasn't stopped by yet TO CHECK OUT THIS AUCTION!!!!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/caeliafey
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.18 seconds at 2:26pm on Nov 29, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
). Your description of the trees, the willow specifically, are beautiful and dramatic. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Personally, I'd take a nice brisk Autumn any day!
I want to know! And you completely left me hanging 
"
Very funny. The mere notion of a vampire vegetarian is amusing. Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us 