First Impression: I just love the word choice and the personification of Pain. "She unfurled her frigid cloak."
Suggestions: This is totally up to you, but maybe some punctuation just to finish it off a little.
Strengths: I like the way you included the sense of touch. It really makes the poem come alive.
The sharpness, the tautness, and the frigidity really paint a picture with words.
Overall: You are very skilled at portraying this difficult emotion.
Continue to write and share your talent! Write on!
Sincerely,
Cack :)
First Impression:
I was immediately grabbed by the date at the beginning! Your language and tone and bright vividness in the pictures you paint are astounding. I was instantly charmed by this piece.
Strengths:
You have such a talent for emitting joy, peace, hurt and frustration through your word choice and imagery!
these words especially spoke to me:
" I’d been lying on my back, having just finished making a snow angel and was playing with the prism in the sunlight. Colors danced and I thought it was the most marvelous magic, not having a clue at the time about how prisms worked. Suddenly my brother shouted at me not to move, and I froze in place. I remember his telling me that I looked like a rainbow."
"There I rediscovered an old love as well as an old talent. The difference in both was that I was now somewhere where I could appreciate and make the most out of both opportunities."
Suggestions:
I seriously think it is perfect just like it is! Thanks for sharing your tremendous talent! What a beautiful piece of writing!!!
My first reaction:
Wonderfully fresh and funny! So cool to put the photo with it :) I have to admit The Three Billie Goats Gruff was a favorite of mine growing up and was told aloud to me many times by my great-grandfather. I think your version is stellar! The first quatrain is my favorite with him licking his lips and the Hollandaise sauce :)
Suggestions:
Honestly, I don't have any.
Overall:
Like all of your work, it is exceptional! Creative and original. The character comes alive. Thanks for sharing your gift. Cack:)
My first reaction:
amazing!! powerful word choices and beautiful figurative language! I especially liked how the lyrics were woven throughout the piece. Loved the crystal blue eyes! You were phenomenal with showing their love for one another.
Suggestions:
Really the only thing I noticed...and it is your piece and may not really be needed...is I didn't see a description of any of his physical characteristics. That may help the reader formulate a picture of him in their mind. But, like I said the piece is excellent like it is, so that is not really crucial.
Overall:
Outstanding original work! I cannot wait to read more! Keep writing! cack:)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cackalacky
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:59pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
