This made my day, it is suck a positive (and cute) way to look at life and the realisation that its a passing thing., I hope that I live to see the proof of my stories... then I'll remember this piece, and smile ...
Very nice collection, someone is well connected thats for sure, you know what'll make this collection perfect? My signature. Jk ... Thank you for sharing your letters...
This poem is well structured and has a nice rhyme, but i don't really like the message it delivers. Even so, continue to write for it is the best way to express yourself.
I was right, from the minute i read your review i knew the person behind it has a big heart, you're such an inspiration!! This poem earned the 5-stars i loved it, how it first explained what happened, how it affected you, and finally how you decided to deal with it. AMAZING! i highly recommend this piece to all my WDC friends... you won't be disappointed. My favourite stanze has to be:-
Teaching me oh so well,
From now back to the start,
Some people truly say,
Your greatest work of art,
... Beautiful. Keep writing and it'll get you some where,
Bunni
This is really good, he suspense is there and i felt a prickle of fear at times, you know how to capture the audience's attention, *thumbs up*, here are some suggestions that in my opinion will make this piece a 5-star:-
1) I think the mother's reaction when she found the kids was not natural and that you sped the story up at that time, the mother should be more curious.
2) I also think you should mention the guy's name at the start, i was wondering if he was a guy or girl while i read the first paragraphs which didn't allow me to concentrate 100% on the story.
Other than that the story is fun-paced and well written. Thanks for allowing me to review your work, Bunni
Hey,
well for starters i liked the flow and i seemed to get lost in your little story, the images that flooded my mind however are of pain and death and just a numb coldness, it is a nice poem with alot of feeling and a history behind it, well written and God bless, Bunni
Yes, this is another nice poem that screams of love to ones child, wonderful, my thought can be found in CAPS LOCK, please make of them what you will and discard the rest, these are only my opinions and the final choice is as always yours, Moreover i would like to thank you for honoring me and permitting me to pre-read your piece, Many thanks, Bunni..
Here are my suggestions:-
The chosen birth exchange for death, (REMOVE THE "A" BETWEEN "FOR" AND "DEATH")
a gift complete as can be.
My promise oh God with thanks,
I give him back to thee.
Out of my womb comes a spirit well-known,
Loving me like no other has shown.
My soul your love kept,
As it ceased the ruins within myself.
With a whisper in the storm I hear,
It was the words of God’s prophecy.
A messenger… “He will be”.
It’s Chosen'S destiny. (TO EMPHASISE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE "CHOSEN" I THINK IT WISE TO CAPITALISE THE "C")
In the beginning, the enemy
blinded the big picture for me.
As I held you estranged and cautiously;
scars masked your greatest Identity.
Bonded in Solitaire we were…
releasing fears, Devil no more.
Accepting unconditionally our keeper,
with “love” being the core.
I saw my legacy in the mirror,
Was it me, no my Chosen, the abundant giver.
You where there to help me through it all,
my Chosen was truly called.
With a smile you always knew what to do,
So my Chosen I appreciate you.
I wouldn’t have made it you see,
but God gave YOU to me. (REPLACE "CHOSEN" WITH "YOU" TO EASE THE FLOW)
And my soul is grateful,
oh lord to thee
The colours are so pretty and the layout is fantastic, i read some of the stories too and enjoyed them very much, keep up the good work and plz visit my port
This is really good, the flow is great and i could feel the urgency of your call to freedom, i like how you described freedom and your journey to cease it, but i felt that some rhymes are a bit forced and played with the eveness of the otherwise excellent poem. Moreover i felt the flow become unstable at the 3rd verse of this stanza, it has far too many words and syllables:
The sun will rise and the sun will set
And I wish to see the sun,
From the Deck of my Ship with the coffee mug in my hand
And the ship under my hone.
Other than that a wonderful job, thanks for allowing me to review it and please visit my port., Bunni
this reminds me of a story i read .. a series actuallt of " A Child Called It" ... this is beautiful, i felt like i was within your poem and i felt fear and remorse. Keep writing and it'll get you some where...
Oh God this made my day, lol. niiice ... this is so "Home Alone"ish .... i enjoyed reading this and i hope many people get the Liberty to do so.. but you seem to know a lot about burgulars.. Hmmmm ... just kidding. Write On! and welcome to WDC!!
this is a sweet poem from the heart, thank you for allowing me to review it. I encountered a few mistakes though, therefore i couldn't give you 5 stars. If you re-check your piece, I'm sure it'll be nice. Your mistakes were:
lines 2 + 4 + 9 + 11 and 12: The "i" should be capitalised :- I'll be, I'll praise, I was, I praise, I praise.
lines 4 + 11 and 12: "god" should be "God" with a capital "G".
line 3: it will be better if you said:- Through the days and nights (add an "s" to "night")
line 8: it should say: "you're deep in my heart" remove the "-ing" and add "in".
hey MTW,
this is nice, it reminds me of a mother (the main character that'll always be there) .... or a best friend ... thats the magic in poetry it digs deep into your heart and finds all those memories ... its a way to write happiness, and erase or delete pain ... your poem is no exception ... very nice and supportive, plz support me and visit my port. , thnx 4 the read, Bunni xx
Perfection .... this poem brought a tear to my eye but also a little smile to my lips ... i'm sorry 2 hear of your loss ... always remember they're never gone ... they remain in our hearts, memories, and writting ... (yes, i ,too, lost a family member recently) your poem is astounding .... i highly recommend this ... its short but its soaking with emotion and true love dedicated to your mother ... 5 star (i would've given it more if i could) ... thank 4 allowing me to review ur piece i consider it an honour and privelage ... Take Care, Bunni
what a beautiful photo ... the cotrast is well defined and the colors are balanced and alive, but at the same time not too hard on the eye ... thnx 4 allowing me to review your work, Bunni xx
this is cute, and well written ... i have no suggestions since i found no mistakes, sorry this will be a short review ... but i like ur work ... it shows ur hard work and ur port. is very tidy and has a lot of geners ... unlike someone i know, names shall not be mentioned (me..teehee) ... continue to write ... *smiles* Bunni
beautiful, just beautiful .... 5 stars ... very well written and the ending lines were perfect, and so was the title, keep writing u obviously have a gift, thnx 4 allowin me to review ur work i consider it a privelege, Bunni xx
P.S. plz check out my writing, its not as good as yours but .... plz?
can relate to this, friendships that don't matter anymore are more often than those which do ... very sad, but ture and u conveyed that very well in the poem .. no mistakes were detected, take caer, Bunni xx
What a breath taking poem, well done my fellow writter, this was a delightful read, no comments wat so ever, perfect just the way it is, plz check out my port., take care, and have a superb day, Bunni xx
Poor dog!! ... cute tale ... i was kinda confused tho ... is it a story or a poem ... it had some rhyming in it ... well either way it was a delight so cute and shows how naive the young are .. thank you 4 the lovely read, here are some GPs, plz check out my port, take care and have a nice day, Bunni xx
hey dawn,
this poem has beautiful content, it is well written and makes 4 a delightful read, i could detect no errors (grammatical or spelling), and ur piece made me appreciate "Every moment" i loved the first line of the last stanza:-
Every minute is a blessing
that's so true! as a writter i get a lot of suggestions to make my poetry even better, and although i get kinda frustrated when there are so many tips, i appreciate 'em ..a well written free verse here, take care and plz visit me at my port. , Bunni
*Some GPs to reward the writer :)
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