A big positive is I can tell you know a lot about Charlie Brown and used the knowledge well in writing this story. I liked the first disclaimer expressing how it is all okay because the gang will never grow up.
However, I had a hard time reading this.
Part of the difficulty I had was with all of the emoticons. I feel that they broke up the story in a weird way, and broke up the flow. In addition, I do not feel they added anything to the story.
In general, I felt that most of the story was excessive in the way that it portrayed how horrible the characters' lives had turned out since childhood. It seemed to me to simply be an excuse to make the characters' lives as horrible as possible without adding anything to the characters of childhood.
Finally, the second disclaimer, stating it was not meant to be offensive, is not helpful. There are several things in the story that could be seen as offensive, as you appear to be aware of, and this will push people away from your story.
I love that you like to write satire. Satire, when written well, is a great look at society.
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