Once Upon A Time There Was A girl named Penny who seemed real friendly. Liked a boy named Henry. Everyday, they made an entry leaving on lookers in envy. As they drive by in his red Chevy.
One day, Henry drove into a shed. Woke up in bed and said.
"I'm surprised I'm not dead." Because Of That, all he could do was soak. He could no longer party. Henry felt so sorry. He wish it was all a joke. Until, Penny sent him a text saying. "Boy you a mess, but I wish you the best." Finally, back on the road. Nothing too trendy. Just a new white Bentley..
This is interesting, insightful and humorous.. I'm still smiling as I write this review.. I love those "I didn't know that" moment.. With this piece you gave exactly that.. Glad I had the pleasure to read you interesting Piece.. Thank for sharing..
Write-On Brownchild
You were clever with the metaphors I like that.. This is a good piece.. I read it a few times.. The structure and flow.. I can't choose a favorite part.. I like the whole poem.. Glad I had the pleasure of reading your piece. Thank you for sharing
Write-On BrownChild
It's pretty.. I don't know if that makes sense.. lol, but it is.. I thought while reading the lyrics.. That there is a flow to it.. After listening to your piece with music.. The way it all comes together.. Feels good, Pretty.. again, not sure that makes sense.. But, it is.. I liked reading and listening to your piece.. Thank you for sharing.
Write-On BrownChild
Well, happy new year. Because it read like two different pieces..
I felt like it needed two different reviews..
The first part of this piece is filled with descriptions of a memory making day at the amusement park.
The second part. Not as lite hearted. Speaks of the realities of war..
I liked both pieces.. For different reasons.. It(the poem) did not flow or feel like one piece.. The first, as I said is lite hearted feel good. I like that. The second is a reminder of what we deny.. It's truthful. That's what I liked about the second. Thank you for sharing.
Write-on Brownchild
Hello.. I enjoyed your piece.. because it left me asking many questions.. This story feels like a fast paced sci- fi, that take the viewer into crazy sub- plots.. I love sci fi, so may-be I'm biased.. lol
Again, I enjoyed your story.. thank you for sharing..
Write-On BrownChild..
Hello, I like the Girls being named after cars.. It seems Margret has a deceitful way of carrying out her intention.. What ever became of the husband?? Thank you for sharing..
Write- On Brownchild
This poll was cool.. What I liked most was that, it was quick.. Lol
I use music not only to awaken my muse.. I also listen to it when cleaning and cooking..
Hello, John_Onah "A girl who is born into a family of criminals"
Peaked my interest.. So I gave you a try.. I hear the story. However it is a difficult read.. I will give you the same advice I was given by a writing teacher, which was.. Rewrite, rewrite.. Then rewrite again.. My own advice is.. Editing is our friend that helps us find our mistakes.. Be mindful of the construct of your sentences..Homophones Ex:"Buy, By, Bye".. They sound the same, but are spelled differently.. Spell Check is useful.. So use it.. Again a girl born into a family of criminals.. Is interesting.. I think your story deserve a rewrite.. Good luck and thank you for sharing..
Write-On BrownChild
This was my first time trying this genre.. So I was not sure what to expect.. Using food as a metaphor Is clever.. This piece has a flow to it.. I read it a couple of times. This piece feels like. Someone who wants to heal the world and show their love with food.. I am glad I read poem..
I liked the word play.. The rhyming helped it to flow.. But I must admit..
I loved the first line most.. I also liked. "They told him he would never take off, but now he's flying" nice.. I enjoyed your piece.. Glad I read it.. Write-on
Hello, Wolfbane. Hope you are well.. I enjoyed your word play.. I liked the rhyming and the flow of it.. Your poem gave in site to something we all do mindlessly.. Your funny poem delivers a word of caution without the lecture.. That's cool..
Write-On
BrownChild
This action packed sci fi was a great read.. I really enjoyed it.. The flow of the story.. Was on time.. I love learning about new worlds.. I think it would be.. So much easier to drink a special tea.. That enables the person to understand different languages.. So Cool! By the end of the story.. You had me wanting to see what will develop between Dual and Donticonti.. Or how would one Grow a pod.. Lol.. This feels like a sci fi television plot.. That I would hope get picked up.. I love sci fi because there is no rules or limitations on your imagination.. Again, thank you for the story..
Hello Cristina Thank you for sharing your work.. Ive read "Sworn Enemies"...
I hope my insight is Helpful.
First part of my review.. It seems a couple in a dieing marriage, finds themselves..
Preparing for an unexpected pragncy.. While At odds about co- parenting..
Second part of my review.. The run- on sentences and misspellings.. Can make this piece difficult to read.. Spellcheck, poofread..
Third part of my review.. I liked the story.. It's relatable, it has layers.. It's a good story.. I think it deserves a rewrite.. Good luck ...
Hello, I have not been on this site for some time.. Thought I would see what was up..
I came across you. I read it because.. I too am a dark skinned girl.. Coffee brown!
It reminded me of my own taunts, teases and fake friends.. During my pre-teen and teen years..lol
Also, this story is insightful to not just dark skinned girls.. But on how we mindlessly handle and/or treat people..
Btw, I learned to laugh at myself.. love the skin I'm in and those fake friends.. Taught me to appreciate Real friends.. I hope Sirrah does too.. I enjoyed your story.. Would like to read. How Sirrah navigate her world.. Other than that.. Reread and edit before you post, so you can catch you own mistakes..
I read it twice. This poem made me ponder. Which is a good thing. Lol
It gives me the feeling. That loving someone can mean letting them go. Humm.. " Spirit united" and "happiness never to be". I liked those two lines best. Enjoyed your word play. Write on!
Your poem about love. Who neglected it, who left it, who was careless, who broke it is saved, and then protected by a guard who will fight for it. liked your word play. For me it means how far the heart. Must sometimes go to find true love. Cool poem. Write on!
You made me ask my self. Am I a real writer? Lol. I've always called my self a closet writer (until recently I kept my writing private). There have been times that I will write. All day or all night. There have been times that I won't pick up the pen for months. I have awakened out of my sleep to reach for the pad and pencil. I keep by my bed to get out. What's in my head.This site is the most. That I have shared my words. I may never get published. But, because of my love of great stories. My growing passion for the art of writing. I will "always" play with words.( btw) I agree with the second article.
This was cool. I really liked the bridge. This was heart felt. A boy wanting to save a girl. With a broken soul. Who seems all alone. I liked your words. Happy writing.
I have a love of poetry. Especially crazy word play. Because when it comes to word playing( for me). It's about the meaning behind the words bein used. Not just trying to make sure it rhymes.(my opinion) you gave me that with this poem. I enjoyed reading your work. Happy writing
I love poetry and I'm a fan of rhyming. So of course I enjoyed reading your words.
You do well with the rhyming. The last two lines in the second verse. Instead of " how to go" try "where to go". Just something to think about. Good job. Happy writing
Great story... I swear it feels more like the plot to some new show(I would watch btw).
I think I would like to read more of ur work.. Thank you for the story...
Relatable and inspirational why? We all at some time in our life feel alone or down.
This poem also reminds the reader even alone you still have your faith. I enjoyed your words
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