Plot/Theme/Overall Arc: I love the idea of having a synopsis for a book you're currently writing on WDC. What a great way for people to learn a little background information about it!
My favorite parts: I loved how you ended with a teaser--we need to read the book to figure out Tia's outcome? My favorite part is definitely how it seems to be broken up into segments; it appears as though there are summaries for each chapter, or main point in the book.
Suggestions:
Please keep in mind that these are all my humble opinions as a fellow writer! One question I had--which might have been more clear in your novel--is whether this is fanfiction; does this take place in the world of Harry Potter, or is it simple coincidence that Tia has gone to Hogwarts?
I think if you broke your last "In the end" sentence into two, it would be easier to read. right now it sounds a bit like a run-on sentence, and as such, it's a bit hard to follow.
Thanks for letting me read your amazing story! Keep on writing!
Plot/Theme/Overall Arc: I was so excited to hear that we were doing haiku's for our first assignment! I love reading haiku's; the creativity and simplicity needed to create something that moves a reader with less than twenty words is admirable and very amazing!
My favorite parts: Definitely how the first two lines imply that the "sweet, industrious labor" is honey--sweet, delicious honey! This haiku was amazing for many reasons--one of the main ones being that it was so creatively written, and that it was written about food: my first love!
Suggestions:
Please keep in mind that these are all my humble opinions as a fellow writer! Nothing here!
Thanks for letting me read your amazing story! Keep on writing!
Plot/Theme/Overall Arc: First-off, I would like to say that I loved this poem! Everything about it was spectacular! Your love for this "Angel Baby" of yours is quite clear in every line
My favorite parts: There were many things that I liked about this poem I liked! The "AABB" format, which changed to "ABA" in the last stanza to emphasize its importance for one! My favorite line is "Her teeth are somewhat amiss, right now,", which is a nice, quiet way of saying that she is a baby. I love the clever way you wrote this, especially since it was such a personal subject.
Suggestions:
Please keep in mind that these are all my humble opinions as a fellow writer! I have nothing here! Firstly because, as a novice poem writer, I feel that there are no mistakes I can see, and secondly, because I see no grammatical errors. Great job!
Thanks for letting me read your amazing story! Keep on writing!
Plot/Theme/Overall Arc: I love the creativity of your guestbook! It brings people in by having them share a little bit about themselves and at the same time you're sharing sites and different things you enjoy partaking of on WDC!
My favorite parts: I really, really like that first picture you've got there! I would love to have a bookstand like that!
Suggestions:
Please keep in mind that these are all my humble opinions as a fellow writer! Nothing here!
Thanks for letting me read your amazing story! Keep on writing!
Plot/Theme/Overall Arc: I loved everything about this story--the concept, the flow, and last but not least, the touching personable moments between you and your father.
My favorite parts: The line "fate was not finished with me" was one that stood out to me--in a good way! I love this happy memory you have with your father--what a wonderful story!
Suggestions:
Please keep in mind that these are all my humble opinions as a fellow writer! Perhaps if you spoke about your relationship to "The Pillsbury Doughboy" earlier in the story that would make it seem smoother, because the words "that's the story about my relationship" seem to imply that you mentioned it before. The sentence: "My father, who lived in Baltimore, MD decided to visit and spend the Christmas holiday with our families" seems to need an additional comma after "MD" Another sentence: "As we began, I was bucking, that is when you use the chain saw to cut the logs into fireplace length" would, in my personal opinion, sound more natural if you used the word "which" instead of "that".
Thanks for letting me read your amazing story! Keep on writing! I look forward to hangin' with you in our class!
The Impression Given Off at the End of
Reading Your Story that was Short and Also Bad
Thanks so much for submitting your story! I apologize for this
late review--end of the year exams, you know how it is Anyways, I loved your story! It was definitely one of my favorites, and I wish that we had been able to give you an award for your ingenious and refreshing way of writing a "bad" story!
Favorite "Bad" Elements (and by bad I mean good... well, in a bad way)
-Description: I loved the way that you described things in such an over-the-top matter! Crying "like a frog which had just been told it was dying of an extremely rare and incurable frog disease"
-Favorite moment: My favorite line was definitely "Judging by his red face, which was like a beetroot, except not as dark and certainly not as edible, (thought Arabella had not tried either and therefore had no basis for comparison)"
Comments of a Suggestive Nature:
I have only one suggestion, and it's a teeny tiny punctuation thing. In your last paragraph when you used hyphens, they're actually hard hyphens, which are two hyphens "--" instead of one "-". The difference is mainly to show that the words aren't hyphenated words like "mother-in-law"
In a Nutshell
Once again, thanks ever so much for entering our contest! I hope you write another story for the June contest!
Thank you so much for entering!
Check out the other entries at "Invalid Item"
And please consider coming back for Round TWO in June!!!
The Impression Given Off at the End of
Reading Your Story that was Short and Also Bad
Thanks so much for submitting your story! I apologize for this
late review--end of the year exams, you know how it is Anyways, I loved the ditzy tone of this short story! It was so awful
Favorite "Bad" Elements (and by bad I mean good... well, in a bad way)
-Title: Your title works perfectly with the content, which is exactly what a title is supposed to do! Brilliant! (This may seem like an odd thing to say, but I have the hardest time coming up with a relevant title that is shorter than twenty words.. thus my awe of your title skills!)
-Descriptions: I loved your descriptions of things, "the cat's meow" (haven't heard that one in ages!), "quicker than a hungry cheetah who was running after his prey in the wild on a hot summer day in the middle of July", and my personal favorite, your description of your "favoritest" bean bag!
Comments of a Suggestive Nature:
As I know that this was supposed to be a bad story, my suggestions are mostly my opinion, which you probably already know and can ignore if need be!
It would be easier to read if the speakers were separated by not just a new line, but by a line that is double spaced down. The first time you use the word "friend", it is possessive, so it should be "friend's". That's all (folks!)
In a Nutshell
I look forward to reading about the continued adventures of Bertha in June! (This is my not-too-subtle hint at suggesting your enter our contest again this month!)
Thank you so much for entering!
Check out the other entries at "Invalid Item"
And please consider coming back for Round TWO in June!!!
The Impression Given Off at the End of
Reading Your Story that was Short and Also Bad
Thanks so much for submitting your story! I apologize for this
late review--end of the year exams, you know how it is Anyways, you had an amazing first line! It really intrigued me in a good way!
Favorite "Bad" Elements (and by bad I mean good... well, in a bad way)
-Title I loved how your title seemed to hint at explaining the unknown people who we see everyday, a foreshadowing that followed through amazingly in the story!
-Sentences: Most definitely, indubitably, my favorite sentence was your first one. "It all started on a dark black night of a long summer night." A perfect culmination of two over-the-top, cliche lines which grabs the reader's attention like nothing else!
Comments of a Suggestive Nature:
I have no suggestions for this story However, that's not to say that it isn't bad--or rather, good enough for me to have any critiques (if that makes any sense...)
In a Nutshell
I look forward to reading about Jane Doe for our June contest! Thanks again for this thrilling read!
Thank you so much for entering!
Check out the other entries at "Invalid Item"
And please consider coming back for Round TWO in June!!!
The Impression Given Off at the End of
Reading Your Story that was Short and Also Bad
Thanks so much for submitting your story! I apologize for this
late review--end of the year exams, you know how it is Anyways, I loved the tone of your story! My favorite part was definitely the emotions Harry felt, as shown through a wonderfully excessive amount of capitalized punctuation and elongated words!
Favorite "Bad" Elements (and by bad I mean good... well, in a bad way)
-Title: I loved how your title didn't seem to make sense until the last words of the story, wherein Harry finally let the readers know that he was on his way to the mall!
-Metaphors: My favorite metaphor was definitely "A car came roaring down the road like a Kazoo being blown through really hard", because, really, who describes cars like this? Hilarious!
Comments of a Suggestive Nature:
I know that this is supposed to be a badly written story, so I will try not to be overly critical here, but in any case, these are just my humble opinions!
It would be easier to read if it was more clear when he is talking aloud or talking to himself. But, of course, you probably already knew that and wrote bad on purpose!
So, my final suggestion is simply that the word "franticly" is spelled with an "a" after the "c" and an additional "l", or "frantically".
In a Nutshell
This was in interesting read--I look forward to reading about Harry's experiences once he is finally in the mall during the June contest!
Thank you so much for entering!
Check out the other entries at "Invalid Item"
And please consider coming back for Round TWO in June!!!
First off, I loved your short story. Although it was quite sad, it clearly portrayed the emotions of a man who seems to be unhappy with his occupation.
One question I have is what the "it" in the sentence "it telepaths..." is, and why that part isn't in italics. And while I'm here on the topic of italics, I think you did a wonderful job using it emphasize points without using them over-abundantly. One suggestion I have is that you could break up some of the paragraphs so it would be more clear who the speaker is at the moment.
Some small things I enjoyed: your capitalization of Life, as if it were a proper noun and the interactions of you and your wife.
Thanks for letting me read this well-written, short snippet from your mind!
I loved your story so much! As a fellow blueberry lover, how could I not? But I loved the interactions between Gramm and Jenny, especially Jenny's competitive and know-it-all spirit, which seems to perfectly encapsulate that of a pre-teen. I love the idea that this Grandma and her young granddaughter are going to spend an entire day together, making both good and unforgettable memories together.
My only suggestion would be in the sentence: "We were going blueberry picking early the next morning so I called to make sure she would be ready and prepared when I got there", I think there should be a comma after "morning" and before "so", but that might just be my opinion Lastly, I loved how despite their harrowing meeting with the alligator, they still went to my favorite restaurant (IHOP) and left with blueberries!
I was wondering if it would be possible for me to join this group? I love watching the Amazing Race and talking about it, so how perfect would it be to do it on the website I spend most of my time on? :D Plus it's always fun to guess who you think the winners will be!
Aww I like this story so much! We are such sad animals haha. This story won an award, right? I think it deserved to win an award if it didn't. And this is coming from a completely anonymous, non-biased, reviewer who loves turtles just as much as any other boring animal in the world =P
I was going to work on my personalized sig, but the wi-fi stopped working for a while =( Ah turtle it makes me sad to think of you studiously studying the night away. I wish we had picked a snow/sizzler day so I could very happily count down the days until our super fun event! I guess I'll just go very general and say less than thirty days until our fun day! (We'll probably go before Feb 27 right? haha ;)
Ahaha what a fun story! For a second when I was reading it, I thought you were writing about the Mona Lisa. I liked how you added the background information about Italy and painters lives back in the Renaissance age without making it boring =)
It was so cute how when Artroni got worried his friend would encourage him by telling him he was the best painter in all of Naples... no all of Italy!
My only suggestion would be in the sentence: "Or, he thought, if only he could happen upon even wealthier patrons." Is he thinking everything in this sentence except for the 'he thought' part? Because I think it would make more sense to have the second 'he' be an 'I' instead. Haha sorry I hope this made sense!
I loved how all the people were named after Italian food! Now I'm hungry ;)
What a well written story! Is it part of a bigger piece, or just a little tidbit you thought of? Either way, it was fun to read =) I love the unique names you used! Haha usually I need to google girls or boys names to come up with something even slightly unique :P
My favorite part was when Ugnabar translated the message which was just "colourful curses and slights on our manliness". It's always fun to see how one can make their story realistic without adding a plethora of curses and insults =)
My only suggestion would be in: "The ship's lights washed over the plain, bringing day to five square mile of bush and long grass."
You might be missing an article between 'to' and 'five'. But other than that, great read! =)
Ah I thought your protagonist was committing suicide when he jumped! I'm glad he was fine =)
This was such a cute short story =) I loved how you showed the reader everything he was going through, and the italicized thoughts were nice as well.
My one suggestion would be the part where you said: "he could not even breath." I think you might mean breathe, or maybe he could not catch his breath?
Ahahaha why isn't he looking forward to his next film Kilpik? I am! =) I liked this story so much! I was very proud of myself that I realized it was about my friend Bond, James Bond from your subtle clues, but then I realized you said his last name in the title which I apparently did not read the entirety of ;P
My suggestion: write a sequel where James just happens to meet Darth Vader, Frodo, and a delightful assortment of fun characters on an adventure to see the Wonderful Wizard of Oz! ;)
Haha and I was going to write you and tell you what it a coincidence it was that your topic was also the topic of the Writer's Cramp, but I think you already know that :P
Ah now I would like to go be on a warm beach wearing sunglasses and sun tanning! Because I don't like getting my hair wet, or the rest of my body wet, for that matter. That's why people go to the beach anyways, right? To not touch the water? ;)
Ah this was a sad story turtle. I liked how it wasn't obvious he was a snowman until the end, it was a big twist!
Ah sorry I keep forgetting to add fun gift points to your reviews. This makes me want to build a snowman, want to build a snowman with me (or before) we go skiing/snowboarding?? We could name it 'camera' and take a picture with it haha ;)
Aw what a fun story! My favorite part was Rudolph answering the phone “Base Camp, this is the R-man, the big shiny, the one and only Rudolph. How may I help ye all?” =)
My suggestion: doing a cameo of yourself in one of your stories. Seriously though, think about it! Stan Lee does it all the time, and how cool would it be for you to write yourself in ahaha? ;)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/breshke
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.17 seconds at 11:34am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
I love the idea of having a synopsis for a book you're currently writing on WDC. What a great way for people to learn a little background information about it! 
The 
Anyways, I loved your story! It was definitely one of my favorites, and I wish that we had been able to give you an award for your ingenious and refreshing way of writing a "bad" story! 
Favorite "Bad" Elements (and by bad I mean
Comments of a 
In a 
