This is quite a turn of phrase on established/stated freedom of coming of age
Saying “I’m here now deal; with it!!”
I like the way you bring me along with the “New Kid” explaining or trying to explain their position in life.
I picture a young person, maybe with wild hair and has a mouth full of braces…but there appearance is not going to hold them back.
“I've got time and time on my hands” that phrase strikes me as an almost “in your face” comment saying “I am young and you are old…I may know a little now, but, unlike you I have time to learn more…”
I guess I'm rambling now…
I very few words you have said volumes about the young person…the New Kid
-“Loud music…” spelling out this “New Kid”, their generation…
-“Take all…don’t take one” take me as I am, the whole, the real deal
-“You may have been famous…” you had your time; it's now my time, my turn
WOW! I just have to say wow…
You haven’t just captured time for this generation, you have captured my time, my generation when I was young and raging against the world…maybe you’ve captured all your readers with your piece.
I would like to offer some advise…but I think you nailed it.
Maybe I’m captivated by your words and don’t see areas of improvement.
But, isn't that what we all, as writers, want “your words speak so loudly, that I can't see what you're doing”
You laid the foundation and built on it quit well...
I was caught up in this little child's emotional twister trying to get a handle on things.
Your ability of allowing me to see the sights and hear the sounds your character was taking in
was good.
You painted a huge picture in these 5 short stanza's...
CSI you say??
I would be interested in what you came away with something to the opposite extreme like "Pollyanna" or "It's a Wonderful life" equally intense "family" drama in their own genre.
I found this to be somewhat deep, and longing...
I felt that the thoughts/feeling were a little scattered, tossed on the page here and there.
But, I was intrigued with your thoughts and visions...
In my mind I picture the "window" that you are looking out of are your eyes...
And that if you would have trusted the very windows you were now looking out of you wouldn't be
in this hurtful situation...
And I also see the underlying thought "....It is better to have Loved and Lost...then to not have loved
at all...".
Other than working on grouping thoughts for greater vision and impact...
I thought it was very good...full of feeling.
BoomerBud
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