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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bolekaka
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Bolekaja Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi – this is a great piece of writing as you say on the ‘progression’ through life – though you do stop short of the inevitable…would have liked to read your take on that too ( not a ‘criticism’ )…
Your 28 lines makes this almost a double sonnet and the content is there too! – I imagine this was written over a period of time ? – I mean the well composed nature ( the story telling and the ‘elegant ’ rhyme scheme – the varied vocabulary for example) would have taken me maybe a couple of weeks…Oh yes in the Western world unfortunaetely ‘One day the need for what YOU have grows thin’ ( we grow thin sometimes! Physically ) …I like the way in which the story is told without the author’s voice ‘intruding’ – That’s all I have to say right now and hope some of it ‘makes sense’ and or is ‘constructive’ – Thank you I really enjoyed reading this crafted piece of writing – Bolekaja.
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Review of The Voice  Open in new Window.
Review by Bolekaja Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi I like the immediate look of the piece - its layout - its intrinsically interesting to see something different in the presentation. I also like the 'weave' idea that forms the theme of the poem. I think this could be improved by less repetition of the same words ( weave/nether/morrow/dreams/voice/fold) - I guess you are thinking to illustrate the 'weave' idea by using the repetition and I think I get that! I think it would be better to reduce the exact repetition and use maybe synonyms instead thus adding to the texture of the weave ? Also think that there are too many 'the's in the piece which in my opinion tends to tie the piece down to a kid of concrete feel which again goes against the general thrust of the writing. Like what you do with the sound/letters 'I,S, and E' in the lines that stick out to the right - a subtle idea. The open two/three lines are strong and, given the subject quite apt. The overall structuring has been given due attention for example you use 'The' at lines 3 and at line 9 - so a kind of reflection and a physical illustration of the weave idea ? - Again I like that and would like to see the idea executed in a more varied kind of way...So is the overall answer to the philosophical question posed that there is no truth just the unending churning of life despite the lies we construct ?...Good idea - the way its constructed shows skill and if the content were more varied I think it would be quite stunning - Regards Bolekaja.
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