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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/boisestate
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by jo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Really interesting idea, I want to read more. I really like the ending too. I think the letter sounds very natural and realistic. I would change "big blueberry" to something else. Otherwise good job!
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Review of Splash in Puddles  Open in new Window.
Review by jo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is very good, I like your spacing in different parts and I think it was an interesting concept. I like how you had repetition and dialogue in the beginning but I think you have a more interesting hook. Even starting with a glimpse of the setting/ circumstance and then coming in with the dialogue. This will create intrigue in why they are asking "when?".
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Review by jo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Really great description of the setting and email - you do a good job of having those details add to the suspense and atmosphere of the scene. I think the suspense could be elevated slightly if you were to add in a few details about the character before he opens the email- his state of mind or even his physical appearance.It also might help to show glimpses of what Frank used to be like, to make it more realistic and further show his mental deterioration.
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