I'm sure you, in some way, took this from some real life scenario. If not, I envy your imagination. As with the other stories I read, your style and technique is outstanding. You said you're published, I can see why.
Keep riding that bike and keep writing; cause you'll always have an audience with me...
This was so well done. Just the right amount of suspense to keep the reader interested. You added confusion and a nice twist with Charlies mental instability and changing analysts, seeing flying saucers and his paranoia.
For a man who can observe surgery and disaster without flinching, a piece like this can draw tears. I listen to music when I read and I was listening to Mozart chamber piece when reading your "The Wishing Well". I had a lump in my chest after the third line. As I have dealt little with poetry, this will be a truly amateur review.
My first impression is the source of the story is real. If not, you are better than you think. Based on content alone, I really was moved by your descriptive detail, there wasn't much, but the small pieces were all that were necessary to let the readers mind paint the canvas.
If this is a true story, I am truly sorry for your loss.
Cute. Hopefully this is taken from real events; would loved to have been there. Nicely written. I would have ended it with "Hmmm... I'll take my big foots and put them in my big mouth."
I understand that you also were probably under a word count restriction.
When i heard this, I was personally, highly insulted. I am retired, I do not have a large pension or SS retirement benefit coming to me. But, I worked all my life and made a decent wage; not a lot, but my family was comfortable while paying top dollar payroll taxs and Social Security. Now I am being called a freeloader because I am cashing in on what I paid all my life for. What I am receiving is not a handout, I paid for it. Out of my meager fixed income, I still pay federal tax and Medicare withholding, so in a way, I am still paying for it.
I cannot understand the mentality of our society, everyone wants something from government but are unwilling to pay for it. No one seems to understand what they are receiving from this government. National and local Security (Military and Police), Utilities are independently provided, but are provided under government licenses, sanctions and entitlements. Regulatory commissions are required to keep the business community from taking advantage an unknowing populace, unregulated lending is what put this economy in a tailspin.
I am one of those 47% and I will never vote for Mitt.
Admittedly, I've ranted enough, this is a place to critical and offer helpful suggestions, but i unloaded a little.
Thank you for a great piece on the 47% comment and I totally agree.
I loved it. I'm writing a corruption of Mid-evil Cinderella and find writing in this time frame very difficult. You seem to have a knack for it. I am forever hunting for the right jargon of the period. My older son has read almost all of the stories from this period. But I'm stuck in the 21st century, I don't go any further back than the 19th century.
Now I really feel old.
just like all of your works, you did and excellent job. Any questions raised in the story were answered at the end. I also hope you get First and Second Place. LOL
Overall, I feel you did a great job with that prompt. Your descriptions are vivid and realistic. Your characters real and story continuity clear and sharp. The old mans accent was perfect, very nicely done.
I also wrote for this prompt but only started writing two hours before deadline. My story came nowhere near yours. You can be proud of this creation and you should expand on it, it's a great story.
Except for the word limitation, this could have been a great story. I am one who embellishes his descriptions and these contests with their word restrictions drive me nuts. I am sure you sweat while tweaking this down under 200 words.
But, you did a great job in the room you had. You got it all in and put the twist in perfectly.
Not being a poet myself, I try not to review poems, but I do read them and at times cannot make heads or tails of them, others are crystal clear and defining their content clearly. Being a person of truth and directness, I really enjoyed this piece.
Very interesting. I am not a poet and for me to truly appreciate these sonnets, someone would need to read them aloud to me. I have listened to Deft Jam Poetry being read and have enjoyed it, at least most of it. For some reason I cannot get my head around reading it. I have composed only one poem for my port:
Bobby and Beth (E) 24 lines of the worst poetry you'll ever read. My first attempt. #1754313 by Rogue Writer
I hope you like it.
I think you are a very talented author and suggest you continue for a long time.
I found this to be a very saddening and true situation. The story of a domineering and opinionated mother, belittling her daughter to keep control of her. I like this story for its honesty and clarity.
Truth be told, there are too many situations similar to this going on, that will never come to light. Unfortunately, I did know and was part of a strained relationship similar to this one for many years.
To be honest, I don't know if the mother in this situation really knew how badly she was damaging her daughter. I can believe that she, in her own mind, saw nothing wrong in the actions she was taking or the pain she was inflicting.
The vindication of this story is that very last line.
Over all, I found it to be well written and totally believable.
A great compilation, there are times when I am at a complete loss for the one word that can port the readers imagination to the correct place. I want to thank you for your forethought and perseverance. I am sure it was not an easy task.
You may think me strange but I enjoy stories like this one. Sad, but they have redemption, the more sadness the bigger the return.
We also have had a few dogs over the past 44 years. I will never forget holding them, when the time came, and feeling the life force leave them after the Vet gave them the shot. It always tears my heart out. This is your buddy, trusting and loyal. The last time, Sheba a ten year old Shepherd-Husky mix, was diagnosed with Congestive Heart failure. I looked into her eyes as I held her and when I could tell that she was no longer in pain, i broke down like a baby. My wife could never come in with me, she was in just as bad shape for all of our pets.
Now we have a Shepherd-Collie mix (Dixie-Bell), but it will be my job when she gets old, sick and medications no longer work, to take her in. Somehow I hope to go before her.
Your take on these personalities is near perfect. It must be one of your favorite shows, it is ours also. I love the introduction to the twist. You are an excellent author. Have you ever written in first person POV. It is a form that I love to do.
I will read the next in this mini-series and look forward to how this reunion works out. Putting his family back together cannot be this simple.
He could not have been described any better. I realize, there are some that would not get the inference of some of the passages, but over all it gets the point across.
I never give a five rating, but your piece was so inclusive and open minded that you beat me at my own game. I feel you attacked the question in a unique way, playing advocate to both good and evil. Questioning religion and advocating it at the same time.
Did you ever consider, God is just watching and observing His creation grow and change on its own. We are all just pieces of His Mind, Part of his thought pattern and when we pass on, he just gathers us back and rejects only those Souls that reject Him. Remember He made us in His image, that may not be our physical appearance, but our being, our Soul. We could look like a smurf for all He cares.
But that's my story. You pretty much covered all the other aspects of the quick and the dead, sorry about my little rant, but I needed to get my two cents in.
Any time you want to talk religion, please feel free to call on me.
Well written and well done,
Writing this as a HS student and knowing your present age, and literary background, except for available time, there is no reason you cannot write a publishable story. I suggest you write when ever you can. Even if you don't use WDC. Just write. The story was very well done considering when you first did it...
Who ever rated this less than five stars has never had an encounter with the opposite sex. Married for over forty years, every word is gospel. For those who are just starting out in life, this is one of your manuals to joyous companionship's.
I am very happy to see that you have started to scribble again. One day I hope to be able to get the flow of my stories as smooth as this. I am cutting this short, because I see nothing wrong with this piece, it's great.
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