I'm sorry for the poor rating. It could be a good story, if it was told right. Things to work on:
-Full stops.You missed a few. The sentences seem almost rushed. Maybe commas, at least?
-Maybe don't use 'xD' unless it's supposed to be a diary?
-Paragraphs. At the moment it's one long paragraph, which is quite daunting.
-Capital letters. I feel like my school teacher right now, but you missed some of them too.
-Grammar in general.
I really like this story - I like the style, with the switch between past and present, and the way they're worked together. I write like that sometimes too.
I also like that it's based loosely on a true event. If you don't mind me asking, where you there? You described it very well.
I really like this. I've wanted to be able to write poetry that rhymes for a while, but I've never been very good at it. It's just a talent I don't have. Congratulations on having it!
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