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Review of Praising Peace  Open in new Window.
Review by B.J.G. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Incredible piece of writing, flawless I'd even say. Love the word choice and the use of "for my survival" at the end of each stanza.
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Review by B.J.G. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
It was pretty alright, I love the ideas of this story, honestly. The population getting lower and lower, everyone else getting more cautious, except the women who are the actual threat but not yet revealed to be, the reader can only wonder why they are so uncaring. But the use of "big, scary forest" just sounds a bit too childish compared to the tone (no offense, of course.) "In a little village near the forest, there lived about 50 people" The use of "about 50 people" doesn't really match the tone either; it sounds like a report if anything, if that makes sense. Overall, it just needs a bit of adjustment to the word use to properly convey a tone that matches the context of the story. The contrast of the broadly described opening of "In a little village near a big, scary forest" doesn't really match with the very descriptive and dark "The children were lying on the ground, some buried under. The adults were all curled up on the hard ground too. And only the old women remained, a wide grin of their sharp teeth masked behind the embroidery." I would even suggest adding maybe some foreshadowing for the women, though. An example, "The old women kept on knitting on the porches of their houses, seemingly uncaring." Would go a long way.
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