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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/birdlover1
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Public Reviews
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Review by birdlover Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love it :) It definitely captures the whole distance makes the heart grow fonder thing. I especially like the line "Our vibrant love just reappears," as it is a great description of lovers reuniting, and all those feelings just rushing back. Great job with the rhymes as well, I noticed the rhythm is really great in the first stanza, however there is a line or two in each of the following stanzas, that I feel could be tweaked to maintain the rhythm you found in the first. Overall, I really enjoyed it :)
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Review of Words on a wall  Open in new Window.
Review by birdlover Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like the repetition in the first line of each stanza as well as the second lines. It creates nice rhythm.

It is interesting that you have chosen darker words in the beginning, and gradually we see happiness and then in the last stanza all of the opposites have lighter words. I am curious why you chose to do it this way. Perhaps as the idea that things get better. I feel as though a little more could be added here, like the surface is just being skimmed, I would like it to go a bit deeper I guess and just delve into these feelings.

Also, just as a side note, I think I would just change all the an's to and's as that is kind of the way I read it, and it makes a little more sense, but I understand if that is just a stylistic choice as well.
Happy writing :)
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