I would like to preface this review with the comment that I really enjoy people who put themselves out there with this whole writing gig. Anyone who can put words and thoughts on paper and let others into their own world gets Kudos from me.
I will start with the good:
I enjoyed the overall feeling of the piece, and I agree that the description of "a quiet passage" is correct. The voice in this story is quite wonderful, mysterious and unsettling. You do a great job of giving that feeling of uneasy nervousness.
I also enjoyed how you set up the room for the reader.
Things you may want to work on:
I would have liked a little more setting. I understand that the focus is on the people, however, tiny nuances of objects in the room may give the feeling of the story a little more oomph.
Also: I noticed that in some of the paragraphs you tell us what they are seeing. I want to be shown with my readers eyes, not through the characters eyes. This is one place where you may want to sharpen that imagery in the room etc.
Other than that I found it an engaging piece, Keep writing, I look forward to more.
Thanks
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