Thank you so much for this awesome and extremely informative article. I don't think I ever could have created my in & out, "If I Had a Million Gift Points" , without it! It is clearly written and easy to understand. I give it 5 stars!
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is so beautiful and alluring... just like Lorelei! Lol. But seriously, it is very well written. I like it so much, I've added it to the review request page!
I really enjoyed reading your short story "Sweet Samantha". It was great. I really liked the journal entries. They fit in well with the narration. The story flowed well. I liked the emotional descriptions. Keep writing!
Welcome the the WDC community. I hope you are enjoying your time here so far. Take it from me, it just gets better!
I like your poem, it's pretty good. But I think the message gets lost at the end. The "Maybe..." is a very weak ending. I think you could portray the same idea with stronger feeling by putting the weight on the reader, with an ending such as "Do you?". Or else just stick with "No". It might be more inspiring.
What an intense story! I like it. It has some substance to it; I think it is really different from a lot of other writing out there.
There's definitely something to work with. I think you should put some work into revising each chapter. The story is solid, but the narration could use some energy-- some PIZZAZ!
I had a great time reading your letter. It was touching and made me think about how great writing.com really is as a community.
I noticed that you organized your thoughts into four concise paragraphs, yet still managed to really express yourself. I found this to be a really awesome technique. Writers tend to get super-wordy when their writing is emotional, but it is the concise writing that actually portrays the emotion.
I'm glad you've had such a wonderful WDC experience. I think this deserves 5 stars.
I'm glad that I got to read your article, "Help Us Help YOU!". It was clear, concise, informative, and, in addition to these important factors, it was quite enjoyable to read.
I noticed that you really put effort into making the piece aesthetically pleasing. This was duly appreciated- many writers tend to forget how important aesthetics are (especially on the internet), and make you strain your eyes to read their writing. Because of the extra effort, I was able to fully concentrate on the writing.
One suggestion I have for the article is that you include a list or a link to a list of other websites on writing that would give searchers from writing.com a place to start searching from. Google can be overwhelming sometimes. Wouldn't it be great if there was a search engine just for writers that listed only and all sites on writing?
Well, I'll keep dreaming, but I'm not holding my breath!
I enjoyed reading your poem, "Finally". It was beautiful and really reminded me of the approach of spring.
I noticed that you used a lot of sensory details in describing the atmosphere and the action. I thought that you really succeeded at making the classic topic fresh and new.
One suggestion I have is that you only use punctuation when necessary. You use a lot of semicolons in the middle of phrases and it cuts up the poem and gives out a confusing message.
I really enjoyed visiting your portfolio. It was full of a variety of great pieces.
I noticed that you varied your tone, using a different tone when describing your pieces than when describing your "kommendations" and "kaleidoscope". This gave off a friendly vibe while allowing you to show the visitor what was most important to you.
One suggestion I have for your port is to create some kind of index that would organize your pieces by genre/type. That way someone visiting your port could easily find a certain piece.
I noticed two grammar mistakes: in the fifth stanza eliminate the word "of", and in the last stanza add the word "of" (i.e. "Be mindful [of] what you have").
I don't know what your intentions for punctuation were, and I am all for poetic license. That said, technically the commas at the end of lines 1 and 3 in the second to last stanza are being used incorrectly. I get the impression that you were aiming for a pause at those points; I feel that the pause will be just as effective, if not more effective, without the commas. The ellipses throughout the poem also seem unnecessary to me. They create a sense of loss and insecurity. Is that what you meant to create? Or did you intend for the tone of the poem to be more passionate and bitter? The message might be stronger without them.
I recommend experimenting with vocabulary. Try using different words to express yourself. That's not to say go grab a thesaurus and look up synonyms to replace every other word, but try out a metaphor. It doesn't have to be a cliche, you can make it up yourself. You have the skeleton of your poem, there is the outline of an idea present. But the entire idea is not yet shining through. The piece is lacking in continuity. For example, you mention that you "drew the short straw", implying that you have bad luck-- yet this is not mentioned anywhere else in the poem. It is not even related to in the poem. You write that your 'heart is in pieces", but you don't tell us why. You have to tell us something that happened-- why or how was your heart broken-- or describe something you felt-- how did it feel to have your heart broken. I don't mean to tell you what to write; I mean to tell you to write something. Express yourself-- and don't feel restricted by the rhyme scheme. Try adapting the rhyme scheme to fit your words, rather that the other way around. At least give both a fair chance.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bethyking
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 7:09am on Dec 28, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
