Let me start by saying I'm sorry for your loss. But you have taken that pain and turned it into a beautiful piece of art. Your poem has a wonderful flow from the start to the finish. And I'll be honest and say that I did let loose a tear or two while reading.
Amazing story you have here. I'll start off by saying the reason I gave this 3 stars is because it's a WIP. Otherwise I would of given it 4 stars.
So anyway. From the start of your story you create a good flow of story and grab your reader.
Your story is strong and you don't fall into any of the classic pitfalls of sci-fi. Your spelling and grammar is good, but honestly I could forgive a few mistakes.
So to close I'll say this is a great story and if you do head that evil wall known as Writer Block just get yourself a jackhammer. Best of luck.
Great piece. I have always been a huge fan of lighthouses and somehow you made me like them even more. This piece would be great for young children or really children of any age. And I'll close by saying that the title you picked is probably one of my favorite titles of all time.
Good day fellow writer. You have a very good start here. From the beginning you grab your readers and hold onto them. I could find no real grammar or pacing problems. Overall just a great first chapter and I'm sure the rest of the story will be great as well. Keep up the good work.
First of all this really needs some formatting. It's just one big wall of text and isn't very easy on the eyes at all. I recommend double spacing and breaking it up into a few paragraphs.
Now to the important part. The actual content of the piece. This is a great piece and I thank you for sharing it with us. I understand how hard sharing can be.
So to close I'll say that you need to work on formatting, but beyond that you are a good writer.
Wonderful poem you have here. It's just great from the very beginning all the way to the conclusion. From the beginning you create a great flow that continues with no stumbling blocks all the way to the conclusion.
The content of your poem is also very good. It contains a important message that I agree with 100%. All I can say is keep up the good work.
Great poem, honestly the best one I have read today. You start and strong and focused and you finish on point. Your reader can sense the real emotion in your piece. Also on the technical side of things you also have a strong poem with a good flow that offers no real stumbling blocks along the way. I wish you all the best luck in the future.
Oh goodness, this hits right at the heart of me. My mother passed away a few years ago and I tried so hard to hold on to everything. This poem is just beautiful, you really put yourself into it. And on the technical side the flow of the poem is very good with no real stumbling blocks along the way.
You have a good poem here, or at least two-thirds of one. A good piece of art needs two things, emotion and execution. The emotion you have in spades. However you have fallen a bit short on the execution. The flow is mostly good, but in a few places it feels a bit stumbled. I have the some problem with my poems. I say have a friend read it out loud, this should help you find the problem spots.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bentleycain87
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 12:25am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
