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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bennyroberts
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4 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Benny Roberts Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I quite liked this poem, but felt unsure that I would have known exactly what is was about if I hadn't read the intro. to counter that, I would say make the poem a little longer to incorporate the setting. Obviously, you'll have to make sure this comes from showing rather than telling, but it will be more rewarding I think if you can achieve this.

Taking the intro into account, I think you could lengthen it a little more with descriptions of feelings, emotions etc. It would benefit from being more vivid.

I enjoyed the ending and liked the callback to the start of the poem.
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Review of Half a Red Heart.  Open in new Window.
Review by Benny Roberts Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I haven't read Anne Hathaway, but for me the repetition didn't work. The repetition began to distract me and made it frustrating to get all the way through.

I think it would be better to end on this line:

Dirt black tears, no longer blue, he's still not coming back to you.

It's got a nice sense of tragedy and closes the poem well. I don't think the '...and half a red heart.' line does this as well.

I'm a real fan of keeping things short, so I applaud your effort in getting the point across quickly.
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