I think this is a wonderful idea! I myself am in need of an upgrade, but cannot afford one. I use writing.com as a means to keep a private journal. Some things I share, but many I don't. It's unfortunate that those that keep some of their items private cannot receive the gift of an upgraded membership. I am out of room, and have my max # of static items that I am limited to. I want and desperately NEED to continue with this journal, as it is a sort of exploration into myself... research if you will... for the book I intend to write about my life. I would love to be able to continue to do so on this site.
I'm sure there are many others out there that feel the same way, so thank you for providing them this opportunity when they cannot afford it themselves.
Sincerely
Celeste
I really liked this. When first reading, I had the intention of writing about how much I disagreed with you, until I got to the end... which I am sure you may have intended or have probably already heard.
I became a mother at probably my lowest point in my life, and my daughter changed that all for me. No, I can't/don't do most of the things you listed ALL of the time, but I feel and have always felt that is okay. And my children have influenced me to be better than I used to. It is amazing just how much being a parent can change you. You go straight from college-like behavior to being a full fledged responsible adult in the blink of an eye. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I think this was a wonderful idea to write about, and it drives home a very solid point. I hope that all who read it can get the encouragement I found in it!
I have been having similar thoughts about my life. You have spoken to my heart, and it put many things into perspective for me. Everything flows together very well. I can't even choose a favorite line, as they ALL are beautiful. This obviously comes from a deep place within you, and I hope that you are finding peace within yourself. Please keep writing, you have done a very nice job!
wow, I can definitely empathise with this, as well. It feels real, and sad, and painful. I am in a similar situation, and all I can say is, it's HELL. "trepid traveller leaving behind all that matters, holding together the binding although tattered...slave in an empty world I hold dear" & "her smile, his reason, his love, her treason". They cry out to me, yet I don't know what to make of them when applying to my own situation. Does he want to let go of her, did he HAVE to let go of her, did he hurt her, or the other way around? And, why? I am very curious about the story behind this piece of work.
There could be some punctuation added in to help the reader follow, but the heart is felt.
This is absolutely beautiful. I am going through something similar, and it really touched a place deep in my heart. The pain of seeing someone you love with another besides you is crippling, and can send your heart into a whirlwind.
I can "see" the pain in subject's heart through your words- the imagry is great! I love "Now I sail against flows of a burning heart". Struggle to make it through...
Thank you for sharing!
Fabulous storyline! You grabbed and held my attention throughout the story. I would go back and review when you are talking about the narrator's thoughts/words/etc. Sometimes you refer to the narrator as "I" and sometimes "He". Decide which perspective you want the story told. Other than that, keep going with this. It's great!
Please expand on this. Lost Love stories are always so intriguing, and every story is just as unique and inspiring as the next. Your writing technique is very good. Each sentence & paragraph flows into the next with such ease. It ended too soon for me- I wanted to keep reading.
This was a very sad and intriguing story- I think the concept is a good one, and it sounds as if it would actually make a great Lifetime movie! The characters were strong, but I do feel you could expand on each of their histories a little more to make each erson's role int he story more clear. The dialogue at times seems a bit choppy. It makes it slightly unclear as to who is talking or where the conversation is going.
Watch the grammer and spelling a bit... you may want to go back to review and make some revisions where you see fit.
Otherwise, keep up the good work. Think about expanding upon this storyline and either write more of a prequel to this story and then write more about May and Ash after they find eachother.
This is very sweet, and the emotion behind the words can be felt very strongly as I read it. Is the person you are referring to passed, or are they in the military, by chance?
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