writing is our way of primitive speaking to each other, the portrayal of ones self to another, and everyone seems to have something that they want to share, a piece of the mind that is meant to teach, whether fact or fiction. in this case you used both, and in 2000 words you were capable of reteaching a sadly forgotten fact of life. the elegance of how it is written is only an overrated luxury, and still, your words flowed well.
I had only one opinion type suggestion for the character (that is, the morality) of your main characters house, in the journal, the final lasting phrase passed on from father to son. I wrote, 'success is built moreso with the head than hands, however the two together makes monumental revelations that allows all to recognize and possess'
i enjoyed your piece
If it all had more of a point I in the beginning, I would have finished reading it. But the ongoing description of a fight between two very fantastical machines was very difficult to visualize and follow.
Your strength is your honesty in perspective to human nature. You put it well, and give the reader the nodding affirmation that what you've written relates to them. I was impressed by that.
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