\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bbrownbooks
Review Requests: ON
3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Another fun fact  Open in new Window.
Review by tripleBbooks Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
That's pretty cool! I like the fun facts, keep them coming! I've never been good at yo-yos. I like the additional details like how it was made and why it was used, it definitely peaked my interest. I love a good random fun fact. The only edit I would make would be the last sentence.

"One, it was used as a sacrifice for the Gods, and two, it was used for a 'coming of age' ritual for boys."

Maybe consider phrasing it more like "One theory is...and the other is..." instead of listing them like bullet points. I hope this helped!
2
2
Review by tripleBbooks Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is such a good mini story! I love that I got a story about marching band, and i'm also in marching band! I play trumpet, by the way. This makes so much sense, it's totally like a stressed-out director to forget uniforms! I would advise one thing, though-please add some non-dialogue, so we know who's talking. I had a bit of a hard time understanding what was going on and who was talking with just dialogue and quotations. The italics for the director helped bit, but the bit of non-dialogue writing would really punch up the awesomeness on this one.
2 Reviews *Magnify*
Page of 1 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bbrownbooks