(This is a short review, so be prepared for my laziness xD)
Awesome poem!
I love a haiku every once in a while!
I liked the title, it fit perfectly and it was capitalized. The word "dappled" was also quite good word choice, so keep up the good work! And all the syllables were correct.
I found no mistakes while skimming through this, so awesome!
My likes about this poem are pretty large. The title has perfect style, with capitalization and it fits this item perfectly! The length of this is awesome, since most poems are just a few stanzas (paragraphs). You had tons of emotions along with splashes of voice and opinion.
Just remember one thing; every line in a poem must be capitalized.
Write on! I can't wait to read more items made by you!
This is a fantastic poem, and a great start, but there are just a couple of problems found at the bottom of this review. But first, let's see the great accomplishments of this item! ^_^
LIKES ABOUT THIS ITEM:
*The important words in the title are capitalized.
*The brief description fits with this poem, providing only main ideas.
*Every line was capitalized.
Bravo, Kim!
SUGGESTIONS ABOUT THIS ITEM:
*Remember that a line does not start with a capitol if the line above it ends with a period.
*The "i" should be capitalized in the line As i walk through the crowds
---
Write on! :)
--Please keep in mind that these are my opinions.--
There was nothing wrong with this item! I found no mistakes, nor errors, while reading through this item!
LIKES ABOUT THIS ITEM:
*The title was capitalized and fit the item perfectly.
*The brief description is amazing, explaining only main ideas!
*The topic is awesome! I haven't seen something like this before!
Way to go! This is a fantastic item, and it is magnificent work. Bravo, Suramu!
Dear Suramu,
I'd like to say this is a terrific poem. Every line was capitalized, and this had stunning word choices! Keep up the great work!
I liked the title because it fits perfectly with the item and poem. It also has important words capitalized! The brief description includes the main ideas and topic only, too! ^_^
This has fantastic length and every line is capitalized. Way to go!
This is a creative, unique, super story so far, but you should work on length in the chapters. You're doing just fine! And I noticed you were new! So welcome to WdC! :)
Dear Sara,
This item is perfection! I found no mistake, nor errors, while reading through this. I like it a lot, and now I see why someone sponsored it. I liked the length, title, and brief description. I've seen you with those brief descriptions, and you are great at them. You provided the main ideas and topic in them only! Way to go!
Cool item, but you had an "O" capitalized for no reason. It is just fine, though, so just make it a lowercase unless the comma was supposed to be a period.
Despite that one error, this is really unique. It is short, true, but that doesn't change anything about it. This is beautiful, and I love it! :)
NOTE: I'm sorry I can't give you more GPs, but I'm trying to save up for the end of the year. Please don't feel bad if my small amount of GPs discourages you, because honestly this is amazing. =]
Magnificent work! ^^ You're becoming a poem expert!
LIKES ABOUT THIS ITEM: *You provided a brief description explaining exactly what this was about!
*Every new line had a capitol letter!
*The length is awesome!
SUGGESTIONS (mistakes/errors) ABOUT THIS ITEM: *___
*___
*___
0 mistakes! I found no mistakes, nor errors, while reading through this poem!
----
Write on! :)
Dear ganja,
I just wanted to say this is a fantastic item! You're a terrific poet, so keep up the amazing work because it'll pay off in no time! Can't wait to check out more items from you!
*The fitting title.
*The brief description includes only main ideas.
*You only capitalized proper nouns.
SUGGESTIONS ABOUT HIS ITEM:
Remember to capitalize every first word of a line, even if the sentence is not over with (an example is given below to stop confusion). But it is fine, because only ONE line either didn't have a capitol, or the former line above it didn't have a comma.
*The length.
*The word choice.
*The character's name, Joven, is cool. I haven't heard of it before.
SUGGESTIONS ABOUT THIS ITEM:
Remember to indent on every new paragraph.
Ex.
Incorrect:
She turned in a circle and examined the large, flat, dead oval surrounding her new home. It reminded her of an oversized crop circle. “How fitting,” she mumbled considering she had been dropped into another dimension by her mother. Outside of the circle, lining the sides and back of the house was a crescent forest of deep green being detained by the invisible bubble that held life back from her new residence. The front of the house faced a dirt road that deadened at the beginning of the driveway. The road ran from the house for a mile before finding the highway and coming to a dead-end stop in the small town of Robbinsville, North Carolina.
Correct:
She turned in a circle and examined the large, flat, dead oval surrounding her new home. It reminded her of an oversized crop circle. “How fitting,” she mumbled considering she had been dropped into another dimension by her mother. Outside of the circle, lining the sides and back of the house was a crescent forest of deep green being detained by the invisible bubble that held life back from her new residence. The front of the house faced a dirt road that deadened at the beginning of the driveway. The road ran from the house for a mile before finding the highway and coming to a dead-end stop in the small town of Robbinsville, North Carolina.
*The great length.
*The title fit perfectly.
*The brief description included the main ideas.
SUGGESTIONS ABOUT THIS POEM:
Remember to start with a capitol on each line, even if the sentence is still not over with (An example is given below).
Ex.
Incorrect:
I'm from country folks
with four older brothers and two older sisters,
and from parents who were too old and too tired to raise a seventh.
I'm from poverty, and outhouses, and no bathtub, and laundry on a line,
and from drinking, and smoking, and loud honky-tonk music.
Correct:
I'm from country folks
With four older brothers and two older sisters,
And from parents who were too old and too tired to raise a seventh.
I'm from poverty, and outhouses, and no bathtub, and laundry on a line,
And from drinking, and smoking, and loud honky-tonk music.
You would think there is a thousand words in this, but you put so much into only about 400 words. I've actually only seen that.. never! xD
I kinda have to admit it is funny how they react to each other. I've seen many humorous items, but you made this funny in a unique way.
Just one thing; thru is spelled incorrectly. It is spelled through.
*I liked how long it was, you'll need good length for a chapter.
*You indented perfectly on each paragraph.
*You had fabulous word choice, which is always essential for a writer.
*You easily hooked me in, which would easily hook others in too!
SUGGESTIONS:
None at the moment. I think this ch. is gonna go far :)
Awesome! Told you I'd be reading the next chapters :)
What I liked and enjoyed:
*All the talking, it will easily make the reader entertained.
*Once again, it is in fabulous first person! We know I liked that one :3
*You had some good thought shots!
*There was lots of voice, and you told the characters and their emotions whenever they spoke with "!" or "."
Suggestions:
Still gotta work on that paragraph indent. Don't worry, you are doing just fine :)
If you don't remember what I said earlier when I reviewed Chapter 1 about indenting, you are free to email me and I'll explain it wiser.
If there are any mistakes/errors listed below, please read:
MITAKES/ERRORS:
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0 mistakes!
A special letter from DreamCatcher (baconlove).
Dear Simple Dykie,
I had an enjoyable time reading this because you had a pretty unique topic. I really don't see this often, and it is a bit funny. And, at least you spelled humorous right! x3 I liked your brief description, it involved only the main ideas. You had important words in the title start with a capitol, which is great, and it fit perfectly with the little story. You had the paragraphs in a perfect position, only making another when needed. Paragraphs can sometimes be completely confusing, cause most people either make them too long or too short (like me).
You told it in first person which is always a great way to experience short stories. It helps the reader identify the character's thought shots and emotions. Telling something in first person helps stop repetitive words such as he, she, him, her, and many more. Yes, that reminds me! You, also, weren't repetitive. Doesn't it get boring whenever someone just repeats something like this?:
I sneezed and I blew my nose in a tissue. I then went back to watching TV. I then yawned and I went to bed.
--
And, again, you had no short sentences. That, too, will make you loose readers.
Ex.
I sneezed. I blew my nose in a tissue. I then watched TV. I yawned. I went to bed.
You're an amazing writer, Simple Dykie, and we all know it. I have reviewed one of your stories before, and must I say you are gifted. :)
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