Hello Sumojo,
An excellent piece. Internal dialogue captures the protagonist's personality and emotions.Someone with whom the reader can relate wholeheatedly.
You painted a very exact picture of the scene. I could imagine the child sledding down the snowy hill and the child's reaction to that event.
One thing about painting the scene-- it should depict the whole picture. I know you mentioned the park bench later, and maybe relied on the actual picture accomping the story to explain the setting, but adding a few descriptors concerning various aspects of the scene in the first paragraph would eliminate the white spaces in the picture you are attempting to convey.
Great writing. I am looking forward to reading more entries.
Cathryn
Excellent interpretation of the prompts and very subtle use of dialogue. I never became befuddled as to which character was speaking, and the expository, long paragraphs--interspersed with short, sentences-- kept the story moving and felt authentic.
Well done!
Cathryn
Hello Beholden,
"Rubella Spotts" hit me like a ton of bricks.
When Senior yearbooks were distributed way back when, poor Betty Nutt broke down in tears. Her middle name revealed: Ada.
Your delightfully written story kept me entertained on this cold, dreary Monday afternoon.
Always look forward to reading your work!!!
Hello Elizjohn,
Very clever piece. Have you considered submitting it for a contest? 101 Flash Fiction has daily posts--no fee to enter, although no monetary award, ether; reward enough for being selected for their site. Only requirement is 101 words exactly.
Well, hello again, Beholden,
The blurb caught my attention before I noticed the author's name. The narrator as a calendar??? Intriguing, to say the least. Hooked me immediately.
Great read--riveting.
The last paragraph sang as does the final verse of a skilled poet's neatly tied-up ending. (I think maybe Joan Pastan or Billy Collins. Or David Russell Ferry).
Hello WWR,
A nifty story that kept my attention. Good use of dialogue--easily distinguished voices of boss and assistant. Hit the Millienniels on the nose with your descriptive remarks. (still chucking) The ending added a humanizing twist--my hopes were on this guy succeeding. Very well written.
Hello Beholden,
Your stories, I feel, always make for enjoyable reading. The contest's required words were utilized adroitly--unforced and natural.
The foreshadowing added credulity to Hobbs's inevitable fate.
Hello BB, I was given a submission (yours) to critique. The story would not have been my choice to critique; being stung many times by an author unhappy with my critique, I steer clear of most stories unless(in my opinion) almost worthy of being submitted for publication.
You are a prolific writer with, I am certain, plenty of practice critiquing and being critiqued, so I hesitate to add my two cents worth. It might not be taken in the manner I hope would be viewed as positive, corrective feedback.
If you would like to have my thoughts on the first paragraph, please email me.
Hello Dr. Gupta,
Fate has intervened. I was given your poem as a random piece to critique.
Beautiful imagery throughout;reminiscent of Pablo Neurda's love poem "Tonight I Could Write the Saddest Words".
Cathryn
Hello fyn,
My favorite living poet Billy Collins,wrote Marginalia, a poem about writing in the white perimeter of a book shows reader has not "just lazed in an armchair turning pages, but pressed a thought into the wayside, planted an impression along the verge.
A writing mentor suggested reading - and writing in margin-books in one's favorite genre. I am currently marking furiously Louise Penny's mystery series
Your advice is sound and encourages me to scribble on.
Nice work.
Cathryn
Hello,
Thanks for introducing Ottava Rima rhyme scheme.
I just learned about rubyiat form, and was quite surprised that Robert Frost's poem Stopping by Woods is in that form.
Nice, light touch in your poem with a topic examining humans' penchant for cruelty to those not of their same ilk in their bias beliefs, and religious dogma.
Hello Suzie,
Astonishingly beautiful with vivid descriptors emphasizing the poem's theme of youthful angst. Reminds me of Ada Lemon's poem Instructions On Not Giving Up.
The flow is fairly metrical, and a tweak or two with punctuation may help a bit.Jarring for me was that long word-- maybe a shorter. More common word would not have sent me scurrying to the dictionary.
Again, enchanting poetry. I am going to save it.
Cathryn
Hello Seuzz,
Received this story via email from WDC as a random read. Riveting, with a descriptive flair that held my attention to the satisfying conclusion.
I recall that the first story I read when first becoming a WDC member was one of yours. Sorry to have neglected the pleasure of reading more of your tales. I intend to make amends!!
Paragraph 20 about decaying roots and vines hit all the senses and made me feel smothered by the rot.
My only suggestion would be that I felt the opening dragged a bit-wondering in the wilderness instead of hitting the inciting incident on all burners.
A great, creative work.
Best,
Cathryn
Hello Beholden,
A unique, subtle form of horror to be sure. My mind kept repeating "Wait for it! Wait for it!".
Biblical in its lyricism.
Superior use of language, so I was thrown out of the story with the phrase "smashed" grass.
Use of foretelling effective and completes the cycle of the story.
My only suggestion would be concerning the dialogue between the Reaper and the blacksmith: a bit too modern for the implied era in which the story is set.
Marvelous read. I will remember this story for a long time to come.
Clever little creative piece with a delightful ending. My only confusion lies with the point of view. Who is speaking? Below are my suggestions-my opinion only.
What a delightful spin of the color wheel! A full...ahem...spectrum of informative hues for the color yellow(Wonder if the book, "The Color Purple" would have been a different tale if yellow predominated?)
Will listen to Donavan and Joan Baez now.
Almost, almost passed this insightful piece because I am personally sick and tired of the politician's platitudes every time a mass shooting occurs in our country--or elsewhere, for that fact!
Glad I read it.
Cathryn
Oh, I think, my opinion only, please remember: maybe "all some say is. . ."
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 9:52pm on Dec 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
