Well, first off, I would like to welcome you to writing.com! This is a really great community, and I think you'll find that there is just so much do to here. If you haven't found the excitement yet, I encourage you to try out a contest, do some reading and reviewing, do a little more writing or get involved in a message forum. You'll quickly find that you're a writing.com groupie!
As far as this poem goes, I really like it. I completely understand. The night is an amazing time. I like the rhyming, though I'm not quite sure where you're going with the rhythm. It's a bit strange in some places, but not so strange as to warrant changing the entire poem. I'm also a little curious about the punctuation. You really don't need a comma after every line. I dislike trying to correct too many punctuation "errors" in poems (I never know if I'm dealing with the next ee cummings).
I really like your second stanza. Blackened skies abate displeasure,
Shrouded and hypnotic,
Velvet Queen of gleaming treasure,
Endlessly erotic.
~The Velvet Queen makes a great night. Love it, love it, love it. The assonance of "endlessly erotic" is great as well.
You have great diction all through this poem. I really like that. You have nice usage of good, ten cent words without sounding like you swallowed an edition of Webster's (which, unfortunately, happens to some poems).
This poem is, over all, very nice work. I encourage you to keep writing and get involved in the community. I believe that you'll quickly find that everyone is always more than happy to welcome another writer into the fold! Write on, and, if you need any kind of help as you continue to become familiar with writing.com, please don't hesitate to drop an e-mail. Again, welcome, welcome, welcome.
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