I really enjoyed your poem. As a teenage girl, I can relate to the subject matter. I also like your format; it is very original. I was a bit confused by the ending, though. Was it cut off on purpose? I was sort of left wondering what boys were now, since girls are artificial, which I certainly agree can be the case.
The plot is well developed and the concept is interesting. I certainly enjoyed your story. For constructive criticism, I would say try to change up you language a bit, it will really help with the flow of your sentences. Try not to use the word "got" too much, and maybe replace "the Club" with it or The Wishing Well or something once in a while. If you read the story out loud you will notice the somewhat overuse a little more in the future. Overall, though, it was really good, and I hope this helps!
This story was very cute, with a casual tone that added a lightheartedness to the story that would've otherwise been missed. Creative use of the prompt as well. A couple small errors were made; for instance, when you said "Cheaper and less expensive", that was kinda redundant since those two things convey the same meaning. Overall, really good job though! I liked it.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/avidapathy
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 12:11pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
