This is very well written. Great continuity and building of urgency to the crescendo of the finale. Beautiful language and descriptive imagery used to describe this analogy of the blown wild rose seed to that of the soul.
There are a few typos and spelling errors. Otherwise this would be a perfect poem!
Keep writing
A very sad poem. It must have been very hard to write. You tell the story very well. The way it is written evokes you anger and frustration and pain. But you still manage to write with good meter and rhythm. I especially like the first line. It explains straight away that what we are about to read is painful to you, and that you're not "yourself". I also like the 4th line in the last stanza. It tells us how confused you are.
A lovely heartwrenching poem, well written and to the point
Well written. A good story with good continuity and description. The repetition works very well. A lovely dark twist at the end. Good work. Keep writing
I love this piece! Your use of language and description is wonderful. The pace and flow of this piece is excellent. You have talent! Keep writing
Please come and join our Black Case Experience Cafe
A good piece of work! It flows well with good rhythm. The content is excellent. The happiest people are those that don't take themselves too seriously.
Keep writing
This is a very depressing piece. You have captured the hopelessness of depression with good imagery and description. Good use of language evokes your emotions.
Keep writing
This piece is quite repetitive. Are they song lyrics? The work has good emotion but needs to be more descriptive and less self absorbed as a stand alone piece.
Keep writing
A nice little piece. It has good emotion, yet needs to be a little more descriptive in the language used.
"though not even it I can trust" - this line needs reworking.
Keep writing
This is a very well written poem. Good use of language and description. Good imagery. Good use of analogy. The content is wonderful and the poem has an easy flow and cadence.
Keep writing
I like this fun "Halloween" type poem. The abba quatrain is very difficult to write, yet you have made it seem easy. It flows well with great description and imagery. You have good continuity, leading the reader along, telling the story then announcing who you are and what you are going to do. It would make a great childrens scary poem, especially the last line! An enjoyable poem to read.
Keep writing
"He had a wrinkled but sharp face with a long thin nose. His nose extended so far beyond his face Brett wondered how the man could wear a surgical mask that could cover his entire face. Brett noticed the eyes immediately"
You describe the mans nose first and then say he noticed his eyes "immediatley". That sentence needs to be changed around.
"Brett was the complete opposite of copasetic"
Wouldn't it be easier to say he was upset, panicking, or something else?
This is a well constructed story with good continuity and a great twist. It has good characterisation and content. It needs a little revision.
Keep writing
"it’s better to be silent and
be
thought a fool rather than to speak and remove all doubt".
When quoting other people's work it is courteous to name the original author.
A nice little piece.
Keep writing
A very well written poem. Your use of language is delightful and imaginative. Your content and message clear and concise. Your philosophy thought provoking.
Well done!
This is a very moving piece. The utter desolation you manage to convey in so few words is astonishing. The analogy of the "fire" that destroyed everything, save for the black tree cumbling is befitting of this intense analogy to the devastation you convey. Your portrayal of a life that no longer exists and the havoc that was wrought is perfect! Your language fills the reader with that same desolation. Our only hope is that "dark silhouette that appears to be breathing"
You shock the reader with your brevity, yet the readers consciousness and understanding is stirred by your language.
Well Done!
Keep writing
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
A very nice piece. You use of descriptive words paint a very real picture of this girl that you dream about. Your needs and desires are written with colour and clarity.
Some suggestions if I may.
You start this piece with "So". - I think this is redundant.
"A connection that is magic, scary, beautiful." - could you use another more suitable word than scary?
I think the ending could use a revision. It seems a little child like.
Overall a good piece.
Keep writing
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I really like this piece! The way you have carried the reader along, gently at first, then dropped them scalding into a boiling cauldron of accusations and remonstrations. The way you have begun each of the first 5 stanzas with "I wanted" - "I needed" -"I pleaded" - "I screamed" - "I longed" till you read out the sentence of all the allegations. Your use of language beats the reader down until they feel exactly the same.
Well written! Good construction and continuity. Good use of language and description.
There is no argument. Guilty is the only verdict!
Keep writing
The analogy of roads and highways to the "journey" of life is well worn. Yet you seem to have given it a new surface in this piece. In the first stanza, the repetition of "run over" gives the reader an insight into your characterisation. "Run over" and over run. In the second stanza your allusion to "quarks" and the "space-time cloth" creates a vivid picture. Your use of alliteration adds depth to your piece.
The content of one man's journey "picking and choosing reality" is well executed.
Well written with good structure and deliciously debatable philosophy
You have some good points in this piece. You are missing a few, but as you point out, you will "add from time to time".
Can you tell this is written by a woman?
I like the humour used and the plain language. A good philosophy as well. Our differences do make us attractive to each other. Compromise and acceptance are key issues. Of course we can't forget that small thing called LOVE.
Espousal love can endure any obstacles and circumstances in Life, if couples remain a "couple". That old adage "United we stand, divided we fall" takes on new meaning when challenges beset us.
Keep writing and keep Loving
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/autumnlady
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 11:22am on Oct 09, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
