I had great time reading this. The grammar is flawless. The story flows well. I could feel Miguel's pain and I could clearly see his character -strong and brave, observant and quick, but with a share of hostility towards the very person who is supposed to be the model of the masses, yet does his duty valiantly.
Reading the story is not pain in the eyes as the font size is neither too small nor too big, and paragraphing is well-spaced.
I tried reading this piece, really, but I couldn't and I don't even have the slightest idea what it's all about. The thing is reading it is painful to the eye. The paragraphs and sentences are all cluttered up; it just looks messy...at least to me!
So maybe try arranging the conversation part and separate them from the narration.
Wow! I loved reading this! I saw this yesterday night but read 'Written in the Stars' first. Today morning, this was the first thing I looked up. The title kind of got me. The way you narrated the story was fantastic. I couldn't stop! I could feel both characters.
I also thought that Larry had known Becky's routine -coffee and bagels? And the way he asked her for breakfast sent me giggling. Haha.
I just love this story. Is there a possibility that you're expanding this into a novel?
Regards,
Astralrose
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