This is very cute and sweet. If that's all you want it to be, then stop reading right here. If you'd like a little more backbone to this piece, I'd suggest cutting the rhyme scheme to every other couplet or cutting it all together. This piece reads kind of like a greeting card, to be honest. It's very sweet and you translated the sentiment well, it's just kind of vanilla ice cream out of 32 fun new flavors, it's kind of boring. Sorry if I was crushingly harsh, I'm no good at sugarcoating. Keep writing, you show real promise! :)
Oh. My. Gosh. That was beautiful. I can't even deal with it. This just earned you a favorite. I am completely awestruck by this poignancy and imagery of this piece. Just, wow. Congratulations, five stars. Don't ever stop writing, you truly have a gift. :)
This story is very good. My main problems with it are the hanging quotation marks in the fifth paragraph and the conclusion. While the story is fun and vivid the conclusory paragraph feels thrown together and all around rushed. Maybe try to refocus just on that section and this story could go through the roof. But I really like it. Good work :)
I like this a lot. I had a similar experience and so did many people probably and that makes this piece so very relatable you can't help but love it. You have some very strong imagery and a concise little piece, you knew exactly where and how to end it and I love that because a lot of times you feel like something just drags on and on. Amazing work, keep writing because you will go far!
I loved this until the last line. I was fully prepared to give you five stars and a whole speech of congratulations but no, your "z" line made absolutely zero sense in relation to the piece. Perhaps instead of zebras the zestful zealots could zap zeros, because then the flow of being disrespected and disrespectful to others would be carried throughout. I am absolutely in love with the idea of an all alphabet poem and you pulled it off so nicely, just ifx up that last line and you've got yourself a contest winner.
Whoa, that was beautiful. The whole idea of there being a fence around the brain, limiting one to their self is truly magnificent. This reads almost like an editorial in a newspaper. Good stuff. The only non-positive comment I have is that blissful and borderless should be one word, both are in the second paragraph as two separate words. That's all! Really goo work here, keep writing.
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