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Review of How I Feel  Open in new Window.
Review by Ashes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Sorry to hear you have depression. I believe writing is a great way to conquer some of those feelings. I felt your writing was good but I would consider altering the last line. To me it felt like a bland overview of what you already described with the previous lines. If you keep it in the writing I would advise against making it the final line.
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Review of Princess's Mask  Open in new Window.
Review by Ashes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello. Princess's Mask is the subject of my first review on this website so bear with me, and I apoligize if I do not offer constructive critisism successfully. I liked the potential in this story but I feel with the basic plot outline it lost some of its creative flavor.

It may just be a pet peeve of mine but I always feel when descriptions in storylines overuse this type of sentence, like this one in yours, "All the POWERFUL kings and emperors want STUNINGLY beautiful wives."

My thought is that you are able to say kings and emperors with the reader already knowing that they are powerful, and that beautiful is a word that does not need to be enhanced for the reader to understand the message.

I do not wish to speak against prose, the importance of prose to every individual writer is too great to speak against, but I just want to make clear that while I believe in creative explanation, I think there is a fine line that cannot be crossed when using descriptive words.

I feel before you entered into the masks story, your opening paragraph was done very well and it really drew me into the story. I think that while telling your story somewhere between the begining and the plot, it fell into a place that no longer allowed you to write with the same amount of energy.

I would like to see a story of yours written in a characters personal narrative. I think that this would fit your style of writing better. Overall, I felt potential for the writer of this story but I think the story itself was average.
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