I love the opening line that leads to other great lines. I can sense the naivety of the person in the poem, their fragility yet hopefulness to find love as the work progresses. it is all good, but one thing caught my eye....in the 2nd to last line 'cause I will frown' I wonder if 'drown' would be better to show the severity of the pain in being rejected. just a thought. good work.
Ah, had the world only known the truth of the whole matter, it would have judged you differently. yet, what is that they say, when the legend becomes bigger than the truth, you print the legend. it is what the people want. nice story, detailed and informative. like the little rhyme at the end when he pretends drunkenness to reveal his name. good job.
good opening lines that draw the reader into the story, shows her emotions and the setting. there is a small amount of tense shifting, between past and present tense. like the dialogue by and description of the characters--action that make them believable and can be identified with. Would think Poppa would be drinking beer as he cooked, good description of him. the story reads well, but a little more humor might add to it. Good ending, leaving the reader to wonder what her connection is to the drowning victim. how well did she know the drowning victim since she seemed taken by his death or the secret she's keeping. maybe some rumors could give the reader a clue to how this relates to her.
good opening paragraph, very strong details--wording. in the 2nd paragraph, is there a missing word "the' between avoid and squeak? good background story of Elsa. the third paragraph, third line, is there an extra word 'the' .....They were doing it and if... good emotion...dialogue. nice paragraph on the ice witch...sad. characters are believable and life-like....can feel the torment of waking, moving into the cold. like how you add optimism into the story, her sad life. maybe split 'those with uniforms rarely....' into two sentences. 'for very long. They didn't shop, eat, live....' Good interjection of hope in the last paragraph and sets up the next chapter, tempting the reader to want to know what happens next. good story, lots of details and characters.
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