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Review by arobotfuture Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Ok so this story is really great and definitely has my attention. well done!
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Review by arobotfuture Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I really like this so far. These lines:
"I almost fell, taking a step back from the man in dark glasses and trench coat. The lenses were not dark enough to obscure my view of his eyes, and it was as if in an instant he had peered into my soul and captured everything - understanding my mind intimately, more so than a lover and without the needs that one brings with him.

There was no denying that he knew me, better perhaps than I know myself. As I returned his gaze, I noticed mischievousness in his stare, perhaps even malevolence, but I was so disoriented by his penetration of my existence that I could not determine which. "

Are really great. I like the mystery behind it, and how later on this ties in with her not seeming to have the best luck in love, and her longing for somone to know her this completely.

I do feel that after these lines the dialog is a little hard to follow between the two of them. Also, when she feels shes not afraid, but screams, and reacts like shes very afraid. It seems very contradictory to how she is thinking, and her actions in that section.

All in all, I enjoy the way you use words, and will check more of your writings out.
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