In my opinion, a good poem has the following:
resonance, rhythm, flow - even if it is free verse
clear meaning or message
proper punctuation, correct spelling/grammar
attention to the form used, if there is one
It will avoid redundancy and the overuse of the word "that."
I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:
A Quatrain poem with the rhyme scheme of a,a,b,a – four stanzas – of a whimsical nature about a zombie who wants to live again and the problems he faces as the undead.
Now a rhyming poem as this also needs a specific, regular, consistent meter/rhythm – syllable count. Yours is all over the place from 6 to 14.
Using caps at the beginning of all lines makes it harder for the reader to know when to pause and breathe. If they are only used for beginning of sentences, the poem flows better.
Line one, first stanza: I think you wanted stumble.
First stanza: no need for any commas
Third stanza, line 2: You need began instead of begin. Began is past tense and that is the reference in this line. Began (nor begin) rhyme with happen. Need another word here.
I shumble under the midnight sky, 9
Attempting to articulate why, 9
I search for the brains of my next meal,
Rather then, just give up and truly die. - 10
Sometimes I wonder if my undeath is real, 11
Is this a nightmare brought on by eating veal? 11
I want to live again! 6
I want to watch dawn while eating hot oatmeal. 11
Becoming a Zombie was not part of my plan, 12
I enjoyed waking up at dawn when the day begin, 13
I did not like the darkness of night, 9
Because that was the time, I expected danger to happen. 14
Now I must hunt without the sunlight, 9
Stalking my neighbors as they run from me in fright, 12
Feeding on the living that prowl the night, 10
Knowing that only the moon is bright. 9
Here are my suggestions incorporated into your humorous poem. You may use them if you like.
I stumble under the midnight sky
attempting to articulate why
I search for the brains of my next meal
rather then just turn over and die.
I wonder if my undeath is real.
Is this a nightmare from eating veal?
I want to go back and live again,
watch the dawn while eating hot oatmeal.
Becoming a Zombie was my plan,
I enjoyed the dawn when day began,
I did not like the darkness of night,
when I might run into a hit man.
Now I must hunt without the sunlight,
stalking my neighbors who run in fright.
I must feed on those who prowl the night,
knowing that only the moon is bright.
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