Alexi, I really like this piece. And I think it's something that many people can really relate to. Time is a big issue to me and I always feel it ticking away. I look back over my life and think of the things I would change and do differently, of the things that set me on a course that I wouldn't change, and of things I had no control over at all.
To me, this is good evocative writing.
I feel it's a little abrupt and needs to be filled out some, but you have a very good idea going.
My only major suggestion is to change the title. It sounds more like a self help book than a look at life.
There are some spelling errors that I'll mark for you below as well as some suggestions - But keep in mind, everything is my suggestion. Take what you will and toss what doesn't work for you :)
Do you write your stories in Microsoft Word? I'd suggest running spellcheck over it then copy and pasting here. It will help a lot with the spelling issues - although it doesn't always catch them all! :)
What have you done with your life?
by Alexi Mason
Time! Tick tick tick. What is time? Tick tick tick. How do we all use our Time. Tick tick tick.
Ecclesiastes ( delete: or The preacher)said that to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose.
(A time to be born.)
Oh the joy that parents have when there (their) new born (newborn) makes the first cry, (suggest new sentence here and start again with OH) the plans they have for that little one. They feed and nurture the small helpless new born (newborn) that came from their seed, planted with love in the mothers (mother's) womb. Tick tick tick...nine months later the child is born. The child is helped to take the steps towards a life that each day unfolds into a memory of learning.
First word, first step, first day at school. By the time the child arrives at the last day of school, many years have gone buy (by) and the child reaches an age where the decisions become there (their) own (delete: choice), and it's those choices that are made that determine how the adult life shapes and forms. Tick tick tick...
When we look back on our life, Have (have) we made the right decisions, or have we made choices that we regret? So much to think about. Other people (suggest changing to "Other's can influence....") can influence what happens to us, sometimes for our good and sometimes not... tick tick tick.
We can be selfish with our time, or wastful (wasteful), or used (not sure "used" fits with the rest of this sentence), or giving of our time. We can be productive and creative, sleep away, be happy, sad, late, on time...tick tick tick.
A time to plant and a time to harvest whatever we have planted. Tick tick tick. Time to kill and time to heal, time for breaking down and time for renewing or building up. Tick tick tick. Time for weeping and time for laughing, time for mourning, time for dancing... Time to throw away stones and then gathering stones together. A time for embracing and a time to let go. Time to begat (beget) and a time to lose. There is a time to keep or cherish and then a time to throw away... also a time to rend or tear to peices(pieces) and then a time to sew or put back together.
There are times for silence and a time to have your say....tick tick tick. Love has it's time and hate is another emotion, and when war comes it has it's time before peace enters. Also we go through times when we couldn't care less. i'll (I'll) eat,drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.
Yes! there (There [or remove ! after Yes]) is birth and when life is fullfilled (fulfilled) there is a time for all to die, and yet if a seed dosn't (doesn't) fall to the ground and die ... It cannot live. (does a seed fall to the ground and die? My thought would be a seed falls to the ground to begin it's life) have you ever asked yourself how many times you have broken promises to your self or others? What have you done that could be made better? What do you want to do that would benifit (benefit) your life (suggest changing to "making it fruitful) being fruitful. Tick tick tick... Time waits for no man. Today is the begining (beginning) of the rest of your life... Tick tick tick. |