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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arknok
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2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by arknok Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
In the first version the dialect gets in the way, distracts and detracts from the narrative. We also dont have enough background information. It lacks context.
The second version is rather better. The dialect is toned down. I find it a little irritating, but it does add color. um so is the boy a vampire? maybe a werewolf? Or a werepig? :) Small furry were animal of alien nature and origin? Is this Earth? Is there any connection to Earth? Uh also the title. are you saying these humans have a close connection to dragons? Or are you trying to imply a more questionable and unsavory relationship? Are these elves or humans, or something else? These are the questions that pop into my head and that i would like to have answered. they would not have to be addressed instantly, but they do have to be faced.

a promising start good luck
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Review of Assignment One  Open in new Window.
Review by arknok Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
hello, I'm new here, but i thought i would take a stab at a review. The story was interesting and engaging. It held my attention and did not bore me.

A couple things bothered me.

What kind of world is this? Is it a fantasy where magic is a large force in everyone's life? Or is a wild west setting? From reading the text i cant tell.

In the narrative you jump from one scene to another rather abruptly. I get the feeling of teleporting from one location to another. would a page break fix that? or maybe changing every thing to a flashback upon entering the village?

sorry to nitpick, but those question were what popped into my head. The scenes were vivid enough that i could picture myself there.
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