Written for Maureen with Sincerity,
It has been my pleasure to review your piece:
"Any Review is a Good Review?" [E]
Overall Impression
Positive
Whereas most authors of such articles focus upon handling criticism, few stress the fact that being read is success in and of itself. Most authors' true goal is to be read, after all. You have quite the enlightening perspective.
Negative
You seem to have accidentally omitted words and/or used the wrong forms. I would attribute such to over-editing errors. Happens to all of us. ;) I do feel that it is quite rough, though, and in need of a serious revision. On the plus side, I found no misspelled words.
Areas of Tension
”I tried my hardest, poured my blood and sweat into this piece.“
There seems to be a piece missing here. I would assume the word 'and,' in which you will wish to omit the comma.
”I spent countless hours over the right word, and the best phrase.“
Here, the word 'over' is an adverb, not a verb. Thusly, a verb is required. Even a word so simple as 'going' will suffice. The comma is also unnecessary, as commas only follow conjunctions when combining two separate sentences or in extreme examples when necessary for clarity.
"I lost more sleep, when I was worrying over the next piece, and working through details in my head that were sometimes elusive.“
The phrases above are all likely assumed by the reader and thus only serve to bog the article down. Omitting them would help tighten the piece. The comma is also unnecessary.
”I fought myself to keep writing and not just keep re-editing the same piece over and over again.“
Again, this is likely unnecessary wordiness.
”Then there were those other times, when it came to me like breathing, and just seemed to flow out of me whole and fully formed.“
The structure here is so muddled that it is actually confusing as to what you mean. By omitting the underlined words, and changing the underlined 'flow' to 'flowing,' it should greatly improve the clarity of this passage.
Note: From this point on, you switch from the past tense to the present tense. You should select the tense that works best for your piece and keep to it.
”When it’s done, I take this piece, this poem, short story, novel, or essay, and I put it out there for the world to see.“
'This piece' is unnecessary, as all further examples are more focused. All of them are technically pieces. 'There' is simply unnecessary.
”They look at the toil of my labors and they know they see words, but they don’t know that they are looking at a piece of me, a piece of my heart, my soul, and probably a DNA strand or two.“
'know they' can be omitted to strengthen the piece. The second underlined section really doesn't seem to bring your point across. You may wish to try something along the lines of 'see is what I have put into it:' Just a thought.
”You try to move on and start on your next piece, but all the while you know that little bit of you is hanging out before the world.
“
'You' as used in this context would refer to the reader, when I believe you mean to refer to yourself. You also seem to be missing the word 'a' where I placed an underline.
”Then suddenly it happens, you get a review, and it’s just more of their words talking about your words.“
The words that you use simulate an abrupt happening. There is no need to use the word 'suddenly'. A comma is also missing from after the word 'Then.' The second underlined section is very confusing. Honestly, offering ideas would simply be rewrites. Just wished to point it out.
”They talk about how they liked this and they didn’t like that, and oh you missed a comma or forgot to Capitalize Utah.“
First off, are they 'talk'ing or are they 'writing' a review? Secondly, I am not certain if this was done purposely (and if so, please ignore my mention), but you are missing a comma after 'oh' and the 'c' in 'Capitalize' should be lowercase.
”Yet for a moment you feel slightly stunned, not by whether they did like it or didn’t like it, or how stupid you have to be to forget to capitalize Utah, but the fact that you connected.“
You are missing a comma after 'Yet'. As per the words 'feel' and 'slight,' I must ask this. Can one feel stunned without being stunned? Also, can someone be slightly stunned (or very stunned for that matter)?
”Because if you think about it, just for a moment, you know that to take the time to read your piece, and then write a review about your piece, which requires at least a little bit of their blood, sweat, and DNA, you connected.“
The beginning portion could be made more powerful by simply writing 'It takes'. You may wish to add the word 'own' after 'a little bit of their,' and you may wish to replace the underlined 'and' with 'or'. Finally, I would replace the last comma with a colon.
”If you hadn’t then they wouldn’t have wasted any of their blood, sweat, or DNA on you at all.
“
You may wish to add 'made a connection' after 'hadn't', just to clarify the point. Also, there is no need to reiterate what they have spent on you (as you just did in the sentence before). I would replace it with 'themselves.'
Final Recommendations
I like the concept that you are trying to convey, but unnecessary and missing words and confusing phrases are likely to confuse your readers. Mistakes in punctuation only add to the confusion. Please understand that there is a lot of potential for this piece, I just believe there is still a rough around this diamond.
With consideration to the preceding,
I confidently rate this piece: .
If it ever strikes your fancy to modify this piece,
Please inform me so that I may update my review as well.
Be well and blessed.
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