Hey Sam,
That was a nice one. It was short and crisp. Everthing looks fine. But probably once place where you can make a change whould be in the begining of 4th para "They finally arrived to the chamber....". I don't think finally should be used here. I did not get a feeling that the protagonist was walking for such a long time that we could say "Finally.....he reached". These are just my thoughts.
Nevertheless nice light-weight item
Thanks for sharing
Regards,
Ari
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arihanthan
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 2:45am on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.