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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arien27
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19 Public Reviews Given
188 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Are you with me?  Open in new Window.
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh man, a second poem today that has stolen my heart.
You have an eloquent way of forming a poem into a feeling.

I didn't detect any spelling errors but I'm curious to know if you followed a form? IF not, I'd suggest changing the word hurt to something else. Maybe break? Might strengthen that stanza.

I love the passage:
Is there a light?
Im coming in to land.
Be my light.
but I'd add an apostrophe in the second line.

Overall, a very well written poem, worthy of publication IMHO!
Keep on writing!
CHEERS
ARIEN
2
2
Review of Circling Skies  Open in new Window.
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
wow this is amazing. The wording is exquisite. No spelling errors that I detect.

My first impression is one of awe, I really feel the emotion behind this!

My favorite portion was:
Melt my wingspan,
In the heat of the sun,
In the void between man and God,
The sky and I are one.

I enjoyed the way this flowed. Unique subject matter as well!
Expertly written!
Thanks for sharing this here!
CHEERS!
Arien
3
3
Review of Here I sit  Open in new Window.
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a great poem to read outloud! It flows very well.

I like how you hid the purpose of the emotion in the last stanza!
And as I sit
I ponder on how
My life would fit
If your love was now

Sounds like a young lover longing for satisfaction!
Well done! Keep up the good work!
CHEERS!
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Review of Emotionless  Open in new Window.
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
It is a stunning piece of poetry! You did a fabulous job exposing such painful emotions!

Thoughts of death come to mind,
and I am at peace.
There's a numbness that sets in that I can actually feel! Well done! Thanks for sharing this here!

Cheers!
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5
5
Review of Is this Love?  Open in new Window.
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem is beautiful and I love the consistency in your rhyming.

I see one area that you may want to look at more closely. At the end of the second stanza and into the third you say:
You're my ray of light in those dark, gloomy days.
Your tender kiss can put me in a daze.

So, could I be falling in love with you?
Tell me; can this feeling be true?

Maybe it's just me, but I think if someone can put you in a daze with tender kisses, there's no doubt about falling in love? You may or may not want to revisit this.
Overall I think it's well written and speaks of falling in love in a way we can all relate. Keep up the good work!

Cheers!
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6
Review of A spark of life  Open in new Window.
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a painful piece. I found it brief and to the point, saying precicely what you needed to say in as few words as possible.
My favorite part was:
he held me warmly in his arms
I basked in love awhile.

I think combining the word spark with the word basked here makes it flow very well!
I have no suggestions for change! Thanks for sharing this here!
Cheers!
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7
7
Review of One Regret  Open in new Window.
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a lovely poem. I hope you won something for it! My favorite stanza was:

Break my soul,
Crush my heart,
But give me Time,
Let me go back.

The hope of going back to fix things is always a good theme!

I was a bit confussed in the 4th Stanza. I'm not sure what you were alluding to, was it death or cutting out one's own heart?

Overall, I found it easy to read and enjoyable!

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8
8
Review of Carlo's Muse  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm nothing less than mezmerized. A whole new take on an old fairytale. I love it! English slums, old aristocrats, and a starved little boy. What more could a reader want? This was a pure joy to read. I have no improvements to offer! This is ART!
Cheers!
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9
9
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so wonderfully written! Is the quote from a Christian author? The quote itself sounds to be a bit secular but I love the direction you've taken with it!

My favorite part was the last stanza:
Never forget the dream that enlivens you so
The facts do not matter, tell them to leave, go

I think I need to engrave that in my forehead! So often we dwell on the facts and neglect the "dream".

I'm moved by your poem! Thanks for sharing it here!
Cheers!
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10
10
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well written! I'm not a huge Potter fan, but I like the playful nature you have sparing between these two.

My favorite line was:
Sirius snorted. “Right. And teakettles tap dance at midnight. Are James and Lily still napping?”

Tap dancing teakettles?!?! I'll be up giggling all night over that one!
Thanks for sharing this here!
Cheers!
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11
11
Review by Arien is basic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really great. I love the part at the end were you mention a game and then tie it together with the word played. Nice imagery.

I'd make suggestions in these places:

I'd break apart line 4 at the comma and make it two lines.
Then I'd do the same to line 13.

IN this: your just an ordinary you want to change it to either 'you are' or 'you're'

Hope this isn't overwhelming! I really enjoyed this! Keep posting!! I'd love to read what you have to offer!

In line 14 I'd find a way to break it apart as well.

This will help with the overall first glance & symetry.
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